I left college with an ambitious 5-year plan, but now my chronic illness means I have to choose between money and health
I'm definitely privileged to be able to limit how much I work, but I'm glad I've been able to find a lifestyle that lets me work at a healthy pace.
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Anna Hamilton
- When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I tried to work full time but found I was struggling.
- My partner was willing to carry most of our financial load — and I couldn't help but find it unfair.
- However, being able to prioritize my health has been a huge benefit to my wellbeing.
When I was in college, I was a believer in having a five-year plan — my plan was to get a job in the nonprofit sector and write on the weekends; I had already internalized the "writers need to have a day job" thing.
Unfortunately for me, my plan was complicated by a fibromyalgia diagnosis shortly before I turned 21 in 2007. My mid-to-late 20s were marked by career moves that seemed to make sense at the time, but which ultimately left me feeling overworked and physically exhausted.
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My diagnosis forced me to put work above my health
A couple years after my diagnosis, I worked hard to obtain a master's degree in women's and gender studies. Ultimately, though, I had to leave academia behind; the ableism I faced proved so intense that the possibility of enrolling in a PhD program started to look like intellectual masochism instead of a calling.
After freelancing for a few years, I started working for my state government's office of disability services in Sacramento, only to find myself constantly overworked as my four-person department was understaffed the entire time I was employed there — slightly less than two years, but it felt much longer.
A common stereotype of state government employees is that they get to be lazy because the job's non-monetary benefits are outstanding, but in my experience, this was not the case. Since the department was understaffed, I often found myself doing the job of two staff members, and consistently putting the work above my health.
I was skeptical about not working full time
When I started considering a career change in order to prioritize my health, I wondered if I could make freelancing work, even if meant leaving the stability of a state government job behind.
In 2016, my partner Liam and I moved back to the Bay Area from Sacramento, as he had landed a position at a tech startup. When Liam suggested that I focus on freelance writing so that I could actually do things at my own pace and not be exhausted, physically sore, and existentially burnt out all of the time, I was skeptical.
I wondered if it was unfair for him to carry most of the financial load so that I could pursue writing for a living. Having my partner's support so I don't have to worry about making a certain amount of money with my writing is a privilege, but it's nice not constantly being sore, cranky, and unsure about my career.
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The benefits of prioritizing my health over money
I can take breaks when I need to, and can usually plan my own schedule even if I have to work around peaks and valleys of chronic pain. Some people assume that people with chronic pain and fatigue can just "work through it" or distract themselves with work. What I've found, though, is that if my body tells me that I need a break — or a day off — I do, in fact, need that break.
Since I work from home now, if I need to lie down due to a pain or fatigue flare, I can rest in my own bed instead of awkwardly cramming myself under an office desk out of view of coworkers. I've also had more freedom to write about what I want — I've written about topics like long COVID skepticism, but I've also been able to take time to write about things like bad movies.
I have been an ambitious person ever since I can remember, but when you're chronically ill and in pain, your body does not care about how ambitious you are. Pushing through the pain or fatigue to get work done is a stupid idea that usually ends poorly, and I know this because I have done it enough times to regret it. When it comes down to it, I realize that I need to take care of my physical health first.
Some people think those who have fibromyalgia don't want to work and use the illness as an excuse not to — for many of us with chronic illnesses, that stereotype is untrue and weirdly insulting to boot. I can work, and I want to keep working, but my health needs have to come first in order for me to be successful both personally and professionally.