I can’t help but feel I’m letting my partner down with our sex life – I struggle trying new things
DEAR DEIDRE: THE pressure to be adventurous and an exciting lover is stressing me out.
My partner and I are in our late 20s and have been together for just over three years.
He is the sweetest boyfriend I’ve ever had but my previous toxic relationships are coming back to haunt me.
My exes used to put me down about my underwear or were critical of my technique in the bedroom.
It made me feel so insecure, to the point where I did exactly what they wanted, wearing outfits that weren’t my style and even having sex in positions I found uncomfortable, just so I could keep them happy.
Even now I struggle with intimacy and trying new things sexually.
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My partner tries to reassure me that he’s happy and satisfied with our sex life, however I can’t help but feel I’m letting him down.
When I admitted how insecure I feel he was incredibly reassuring and calming. We even had sex afterwards with no problems.
I would still like to try new things in bed and at least feel more confident when we are intimate.
I have suffered with low self-esteem for years and I’m wondering if this has anything to do with this.
Please help me.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s important to hang on to the fact that your boyfriend is happy and satisfied.
You’ve also taken the biggest step and shared your worries with him. The fact he is reassuring and considerate will do wonders for your self-esteem both inside and outside of the bedroom.
Toxic relationships can leave us feeling emotionally and physically closed off. They can lead to difficulties with trust and vulnerability, which is why you are struggling.
It’s important to remember the issues you faced in your previous relationships were not your fault. The words your exes said to you are not a reflection of you.
Your low self-esteem will also have been impacted by these relationships and will be playing a role in this issue.
My support pack Raising Self-Esteem will help you to build some positive feelings about yourself.