A Gen X dad who commutes over 10 hours a week to work in a different state says it's advanced his career but takes away from family time

Jae Kim, 55, learned how important it was to prioritize time with his wife and two kids, given his commute from Alabama to South Carolina each week.

• Jae Kim, 55, drives from Alabama to South Carolina every week to work as a real estate broker.
• The drive takes him about five hours one way, and his biggest expense is gas.
• While the commute is necessary for his career, he said it can take away from family time. 

Jae Kim has come to terms with driving over 700 miles each week to get to work.

Kim, 55, moved with his wife and two kids to Auburn, Alabama, in 2016 because his wife grew up there, the city had a good education system for his kids, and it seemed like the best move for the family at the time.

The only problem: Kim owned a brokerage firm in South Carolina, where he and his family previously lived. He decided to make the move and figure out his work situation once his family was settled. Eight years later, he's still driving about five hours there each week to get to the office and five hours back home.

"I've come to terms with it," Kim told Business Insider. "I'm more at peace with it and the benefits that it provides, as long as it doesn't start taking away from the family."

Kim practices real estate in Alabama, South Carolina, and Georgia, and the commute opens up opportunities for him to expand his business in those areas. But it's not easy — gas is his biggest expense with the hundreds of miles he's putting on his car each week. However, he said the nature of his job allows him to stay overnight at some of the properties he's working on, so he doesn't have to worry about additional housing costs.

"The only positive is I get to clear my mind for five hours," Kim said. "Aside from that, it's as brutal a grind as anybody's five-hour drive anywhere."

But it's worth it for Kim. The commute has benefited his business, allowing him to meet with clients across multiple states and earn more income. He's among a growing number of Americans who have taken on supercommutes, or commutes to work that take 90 minutes or longer. The pandemic opened the door for more people to take on longer commutes with the flexibility of hybrid work, allowing the potential to boost earnings at a job farther from home.

Of course, being away from family is a challenge — and Kim emphasized the importance of open communication and cherishing his time when he's back in Alabama.

"I've had to, in a large way, shift my priorities to ensure I'm putting my family first," Kim said. "And then everything else will have to fall into place afterwards."

'You have to over-communicate'

While Kim said he does his best to be present for his family when he's home, there's never enough time. He recalled asking his kids two years after they moved to Alabama if there was anything they wished would be different; they said they loved their schools and were making new friends, but Kim's youngest son said: "If I could just see you more, that would help."

"That was a kick in the stomach when that happened," Kim said. "So, since that conversation, I prioritized my time significantly differently. Whenever there's absolutely something that needs my attention, I'm not really stressed about it at work. I tend to find whatever it is that my family is doing and schedule my life around what their needs are."

BI previously spoke to Dennis Dabney, a Gen X dad who flies weekly from Texas to Arizona for work. Like Kim, Dabney said the commute was one of the best things that could've happened for his career advancement, but it can take a toll.

"You have to continue to have open communication with your family unit because things change, attitudes change, and you just have to figure out when things are getting out of hand or when things are going smoothly," Dabney said.

Kim tries to drive home every weekend to be with his family, and he makes stops along the way at the properties he owns. He recommends that anyone considering a long commute go into it "with eyes wide open" because it's not for every family situation. While it's most important for the family to be on board, having a supportive team at work makes it easier, as well.

"This makes marriage harder. It just does," Kim said. "So whenever you're away, you have to have that trust from the beginning and all the way through, and you have to over-communicate, which is tough. But it's needed to make it healthier and keep it healthy."

Do you have a unique work or life situation? Reach out to this reporter at asheffey@businessinsider.com.