Tulisa reveals emotional moment she begged to stop I’m A Celeb filming and went into ‘flip out mode’
I’M A Celebrity star Tulisa Contostavlos has opened up about her crippling experience during the ITV show – and how it triggered a breakdown.
N-Dubz star Tulisa, 36, left Australia just days after being voted out of the jungle and urged cameras to stop rolling because of her fragile mental health.
The star – who went on to delete all evidence of her time on the programme – decided against appearing in the Coming Out show alongside her jungle co-stars.
Speaking candidly to Paul C Brunson’s in part two of his We Need To Talk podcast, Tulisa has revealed the extent of her trauma.
She told the MAFS expert: “When I came out, I began to cry when I had the first moment to myself.
“The first thing I did when I spoke to my team, they said, ‘What’s wrong?’
“And I said ‘Please don’t put me back on camera. I need to be off now, it’s too much. I’m really proud of myself, but I pushed myself too far, too soon, I need to go home’.”
She added: “You want me to be there out of principle? When I’m having a breakdown right now? No, I need to go home and process this.”
After the show Tulisa failed to appear at the show hotel to greet other contestants and also did not appear the in ITV spin-off shows after jetting back to the UK.
She told Brunson: “I guess in a way I’m blessed to be that person to say if my mind isn’t feeling healthy, I’m going to take care of myself. I’m not going to push myself over any edges.
“I need to take care of myself, I need to protect me.”
Explaining why she also wiped her social media of any I’m A Celeb footage, Tulisa said: “I did delete everything.
“I came out and the same night I was having a cry I was like I’m not going back on camera.
“I was looking through my socials and it was just all me and I was in flip out mode. I just wanted it all gone and to go home and process things.
“I wouldn’t say I’ve processed it all. I’m at 70 percent right now.
“For me to be in the public eye I need to do things that are a bit more hard hitting, things like this [the podcast]. Just keeping it 100% real.
“If I can be in the public eye and it’s like that, then I can do it.”
The star confessed she was left “hyperventilating and crying” from pressure she felt and emotional exhaustion after her elimination.
In the first part of Paul C. Brunson’s We Need To Talk podcast, Tulisa candidly shared the mental health challenges she endured both during her time in the jungle and after leaving the show.
She admitted struggling to interact with the “happy campers” while privately battling anxiety and breaking down in tears alone in her hotel room.
Tulisa revealed how close she came to quitting the programme.
She recounted a particularly intense anxiety attack, unseen by viewers, that left her in tears and gasping for air.
Tulisa said: “Some of the things you didn’t see – I had night terrors for the first four days.
“I was waking up out of my sleep, and I was having anxiety attacks.
“Those parts, not everyone knows, so it wasn’t completely smooth sailing for me at all, but I have a great poker face. I really can turn it on, especially when I’m faced with adversity.”
Determined not to show vulnerability, she added: “The last thing I wanted to do was go in there and be the hot mess. So if anything, I’m going to be the biggest soldier there is.”
Recalling her breaking point, Tulisa said: “I definitely had an anxiety attack off-camera. I went to the smoking area to do it because I didn’t want them to know.
“I was trying to bring down my heart rate, literally through my nose. I kept telling myself, ‘Get the heart rate down. Get the heart rate down.’
“I wanted to leave that day. I thought, ‘I can’t do this,’ but I reminded myself that I was there to stick it out.”
Elsewhere in the interview, Tulisa revealed her past romance with N-Dubz bandmate Fazer, calling him her “safe space” whom she still loves “to this day.”
Fazer, whose real name is Richard Rawson, starred in the hip hop band alongside Tulisa and her cousin Dappy.
The trio found fame in the late 2000s with hit songs including, Playing with Fire, Number 1 and I Need You.
When asked why the relationship fizzled out, Tulisa replied that their 2012 split was “inevitable” after they found themselves to be “incompatible.”
After her time as a pop star, Tulisa went onto to appear as a judge on The X Factor and played a key role in putting together the chart topping band, Little Mix in 2011.
But after the 2012 release of her album, The Female Boss, Tulisa retreated from the limelight as she revealed she struggled with the ‘constant media intrusion’.