I’m stuck living with my emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M stuck living with my emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, and no matter what I do, he refuses to leave.

Now every day feels like a living nightmare, and I’m not sure how to escape.

I’m 29, he’s 32, and we were together for four years. 

At the beginning of our relationship, he lovebombed me, and I liked him so much that I fell for it. 

Over time, he turned nasty and controlling, and I spent every waking moment treading on eggshells, worried about when he’d blow up next.

I knew I should have ended things years ago, but I loved him so much I struggled to leave. 

It all came to a head two months ago when, in the heat of an argument, he got physical, and I knew things couldn’t continue.

I told him that we were over and that since the tenancy was in my name, he needed to move out, but he claimed he couldn’t leave because he had no money or place to go. 

Ever since, my life has been hell. I want so desperately for him to leave, but every time I bring it up, he makes up another excuse. 

I’m worried about what he’ll do or say next, and my mental health has plummeted.

Deidre says: Refusing to move out is clearly your ex’s way of continuing to exert control over you.

Unfortunately, abusive men tend only to become more abusive, so it’s critical that you put space between you.

Since you have sole tenancy of your home, your ex has no legal right to stay in your property. If he’s refusing to leave, you can report it to the police and ask them to remove him from your home.

You can also contact Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk) and call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247) for support.

My support pack, Abusive Partner, has plenty of advice and lists other organisations you can contact.