I married an American and moved to the US 12 years ago. I'm happy now, but I didn't realize how tough the transition would be.

• When I moved from New Zealand to the US, I didn't realize how much it would actually cost me.
• It's been hard for me to be away from family and to build a community in a new place.
• When I visit my home country, I often experience reverse culture shock.

I moved from New Zealand to California more than 12 years ago after I met and married an American.

Even though I've been in the US for a long time now, I still experience some of the same challenges I did when I first moved here. Plus, I never stopped feeling the pull of home and the family I left behind in New Zealand.

However, visiting home doesn't always bring the same comfort it once did, as it can be hard to readjust to a culture I haven't lived with for over a decade.

Sometimes, it feels like I have my heart in two countries, but I don't completely belong to either.

Here are some of the biggest challenges I've faced as an expat.

Figuring out how to navigate unfamiliar cultural norms has been difficult

When I first moved here, I discovered the US tends to have a much more cutthroat, competitive culture where people can be overlooked or dismissed if they're not prepared to speak loudly and clearly about their accomplishments.

Back in New Zealand, however, I was used to — and raised in — a culture that encourages people to act humble.

As Kiwis, we don't tend to talk up our accomplishments and we try to give credit to others (even if it rightly belongs to us) for fear of being seen as braggarts. Those who are seen as being "too big for their boots" are deliberately knocked down a peg — a phenomenon so popular in Australia and New Zealand that locals have a term for it: "tall poppy syndrome."

Though they may be small, these sorts of cultural differences can feel like a minefield to navigate and have made some social interactions a source of stress for me for many years.

Being far from family has been tough for me, both financially and emotionally

Although my husband is American, we live far from any family — his nearest relatives are four hours away.

It's been tough to raise our daughter without access to a village of family members.

I especially miss having a community at my 10-year-old daughter's soccer games, where I'm often surrounded by many multigenerational families cheering on their kids. I can't help but feel sad that she doesn't get to experience having a ready-made fan club on the sidelines because her family is so far away.

I'd love to visit our family overseas more often, but it's just not possible when flights between San Francisco and Auckland typically cost over $1,000 — even when booking months in advance.

We can only afford to visit New Zealand every two years or so, and I worry how the distance will impact my daughter's relationships with family over time.

My daughter has cousins in New Zealand and Australia ranging in age from 4 to 16. She's often asked me if we can move closer to them, and I feel bad we can't visit more often.

It's also tough for my family overseas to visit the US, in part due to the exchange rate. The New Zealand dollar is worth about 60 cents here, so a USD$1,000 plane ticket would cost them about NZD$1,790. My brother and sister-in-law even cut a planned trip to the US short because of how expensive it was for them.

These travel costs have also made it tough to navigate family emergencies over the past few years — especially when I got a call that my dad was in the ICU after a nasty fall last year.

Any flights home within the next two weeks would've cost well over $2,500 — way over my budget. Instead, I had to get updates from family over the phone and cheer him on from home as he recovered.

I don't feel completely at home in New Zealand anymore, either

Most of my family still lives in New Zealand, but time and distance naturally create a disconnect with everyday life in my home country.

I look forward to my visits back home, but over the past few years, I've experienced reverse culture shock, a phenomenon that can cause expats to feel like tourists in their country of birth.

It can manifest in relatively simple things, such as not understanding local pop-culture references or feeling removed from the everyday issues that concern my fellow Kiwis. Unfortunately, this has meant my old home can feel strikingly unfamiliar, and there's sometimes a disconnect when I visit.

I can cheer on the All Blacks rugby team, hunt down Kiwi-inspired meat pies, and enjoy the company of fellow expats. However, both my home country and my family are inevitably changing and growing — so I don't always feel a sense of belonging in either the US or New Zealand.

Still, I've done my best to adapt to a new culture and accept a new sense of "normal" about people, places, and routines. Despite the challenges, I feel like I'm in a good place in California, and the relationships I've slowly been building with those around me make life worthwhile.

My experience as an expat hasn't felt easy — but at the end of the day, I'm happy I took a chance on myself and followed my heart.