Does flirting with 'sticky eyes' work? Here's what a dating expert has to say
(NEXSTAR) – Single and looking to mingle? It might be time to try the “sticky eyes” technique.
The “sticky eyes” method, which has been touted on TikTok as a trick to both gauge interest and create interest in a potential romantic partner. It’s been around for almost as long as flirting has existed, according to dating expert and matchmaker Devyn Simone — but it didn’t always have such a slick nickname.
“It’s funny, it didn’t have a name before, but this is something that, 10 years ago, I was teaching my clients to do,” Simone told Nexstar. (Simone, also the resident relationship expert at Tinder, is right: The term "sticky eyes," as it's being used on TikTok, appears to have been borrowed from a book called "How to Talk to Anyone" by Leil Lowndes — but it wasn't necessarily about flirting. Rather, it was a technique for leaving a good impression on a conversation partner by holding eye contact for a few seconds after the conversation has ended.)
In any case, young people are now using their "sticky eyes" to try and find romance. But how does it work?
How are people using ‘sticky eyes’ to flirt?
According to its practitioners on social media, the “sticky eyes” method works like this: When you’re out at a gathering or a public space (a social event, a bar, a coffee shop, etc.) and you become interested in someone across the room, you must first attempt to catch their eye for just a brief moment — and then look away almost immediately. Then later, look back over and try to catch their eye again, this time holding your gaze for a little longer.
If the person on the receiving end of your eye contact doesn’t shy away, you can be confident they’re also interested, according to proponents of the technique. Some even say there’s a good chance that this person will walk over and approach you.
“It’s that powerful,” one TikTok user claimed in a post shared earlier this year.
Does it actually work?
Simone confirmed to Nexstar that this “sticky eyes” method — or whatever you want to call it — has “totally worked” for herself and her clients. But she has a few tips for refining the technique and improving its effectiveness.
“You want to make eye contact for one or two seconds initially, then smile softly,” she said. “Then you can turn away, and go back to your drink or talk to your friend.”
When you catch their eye the second time, about a minute later, Simone said it’s OK to hold that gaze for several seconds, but only if the other person is looking back. And don’t forget your “soft” smile, Simone urged.
“You want to look inviting,” she said. “You don’t want to make them feel like they need to call security.”
If the other party is looking back at you with their own slight smile, it’s time to make a move, according to the expert.
“Take that as an opportunity to position yourself a little closer,” she said. “Close enough to where you can start a conversation.”
Simone, however, said anyone looking to try the “sticky eyes” method should heed a short list of guidelines. For starters, try not to stare down a potential love interest for more than a few seconds, at least at first. And when making eye contact a second time, it’s best to avoid anything more than 20 seconds, which can be “intimidating for even the most confident person.”
Simone also warned against blinking too much, making rapid eye movements, or dragging out the process over the course of an entire evening. (“You shouldn’t be spending 45 minutes looking at each other and looking away,” she said.)
If, for some reason, you can’t seem to make eye contact with the person you’d like to connect with, or it’s too crowded to do so, Simone said it’s OK to plant yourself in a new spot where the eyeline is clearer. But if they’re still returning any of your playful glances — or perhaps not even looking in your direction — it might be time to accept that this person just isn’t interested, no matter how “sticky” your eyes are.
“You should probably give up,” Simone said. “Or change your intended target.”