Harriette Cole: I screwed up, and my friend lost all the money for her dream trip
DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, I accidentally got my friend sick.
I had a bad cold and didn’t realize how contagious I was until she caught it from me. Unfortunately, her symptoms were even worse than mine. She had a high fever and was completely out of commission for days.
The worst part is that she was supposed to go on a vacation she had been looking forward to for years. She had saved up for this trip for a long time, carefully planning every detail, but because of how sick she got, she was forced to cancel. Due to her packed schedule, she couldn’t reschedule, meaning all the money she had spent on flights, hotels and activities was lost.
I feel absolutely terrible about the situation. I never meant to ruin her plans, and I’ve tried reaching out multiple times to apologize and check on her, but she won’t respond.
She hasn’t spoken to me at all since this happened, and I’m starting to think she’s cutting me out of her life.
I don’t blame her for being upset, but I miss her and don’t want to lose our friendship over this. How do I make things right?
— Guilty
DEAR GUILTY: You cannot make your friend respond to you. What you can do is give her time.
If you have the means, you could also offer to defray some of the cost of her dream trip.
What you learned, unfortunately, is that illness is real. When people are sick, they should stay home and rest. Even if you don’t have COVID-19, what you have might be contagious and harmful to others.
Don’t forget the lesson moving forward.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband recently got a well-deserved raise at work, and I am so proud of him. He has worked hard for this, putting in long hours and taking on extra responsibilities.
When he told me the news, I was thrilled and suggested we do something special to celebrate together — maybe go out for a nice dinner, take a weekend trip or even just have a fun night at home to acknowledge his accomplishment.
To my surprise, he shut me down immediately. He seemed completely uninterested in celebrating with me and instead said he’d rather go out with his friends.
I understand that he wants to enjoy his success with them, but the way he dismissed my excitement hurt my feelings. It felt like I wasn’t even a part of his big moment, even though I’ve been supporting him through all the stress and late nights.
I don’t want to seem needy or make a big deal out of this, but I can’t shake the feeling that he doesn’t prioritize me over others in his life.
Am I overreacting? Should I talk to him about how I feel or just let it go?
— Snubbed
DEAR SNUBBED: You should definitely say something to your husband.
Acknowledge that it is great for him to party with his friends, but let him know that you also want to do something special with him. Tell him that it hurt your feelings that he seemed uninterested.
You can point out that you have been at his side throughout this process, and you want to celebrate with him. Ask him why he doesn’t want to do that.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.