You Need To Talk To Your Kids About Misogyny – A Therapist Explains How

It’s a pretty scary reality that most (we’re talking 80% of) boys aged 16 to 17 years old have either read, listened to or watched content from self-proclaimed misogynist influencer, Andrew Tate. 

That’s according to research by charity Hope Not Hate, which also revealed only 26% of 16-24 year old males have a negative opinion of the influencer, while almost half (45%) have a positive opinion of him.

It’s perhaps unsurprising then that most primary and secondary school teachers are “extremely concerned” about the influence of the ‘manosphere’ – a network of online men’s communities who promote anti-feminist and sexist beliefs – on children and young people. 

On top of that, educator Rebecca Leigh recently told HuffPost UK she’s personally witnessed a worrying rise in misogyny among students. “I’m seeing it in boys as young as 11 or 12,” she said.

Childhood is a critical stage of development, and children are “highly impressionable” and particularly vulnerable to extreme views, family psychotherapist Fiona Yassin told HuffPost UK.

“The internet is a hotbed for extremism and misinformation and early research around the impact of the ‘manosphere’ on children is incredibly alarming,” she added.

Ofcom data suggests a third of five- to seven-year-olds use social media unsupervised and kids aged eight to 17 spend anywhere between two and five hours a day online.

Yet while Netflix’s new TV show Adolescence shows just how harmful unfettered access to the online world can be, and how toxic masculinity is given the opportunity to thrive in certain settings, there are ways parents can take action to change the narrative in their own homes. 

One mum recently opened up about how she spotted the signs her young son was being “red pilled” online and took action by engaging in debate with him and encouraging him to think critically about the content he consumed online. 

Parents, carers and anyone working with children can play a role in shaping how youngsters view women, said Yassin.

“Although they may be difficult, conversations about misogyny and the treatment of women are incredibly important, whether or not you believe your child is exhibiting these behaviours or consuming harmful content online,” the founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic told HuffPost UK.

“It’s an essential topic of discussion for all children.”

So, how can you talk to kids about misogyny?

1. Create a safe environment for discussion

The first step in addressing any tricky topic with a child is to ensure you have a safe and open space for discussion, said the therapist.

“For parents, this conversation is one that requires psychoeducation, social skills, and the courage to challenge harmful beliefs,” she said. 

Because of this, she said it’s best to put time aside for the discussion, avoiding chaotic periods like when you’re leaving for work or school.

2. Take on the role of educator

Gender stereotypes emerge every day and can shape how young people perceive their potential roles in society.

“As parents, our role as educators here is crucial. Provide factual information and encourage critical thinking to help them to navigate the issue more thoughtfully,” said Yassin.

“We can challenge gender stereotypes and dispel myths about gender-based intellectual abilities by encouraging children to learn about women’s contributions in history,” she added, noting the Little People, Big Dreams series is a good place for young children to start.

3. Make the subject relatable

The therapist said connecting your discussion to real-life examples can also make it more meaningful for a child.

“For example, you could highlight female family members who have broken stereotypes in their education, career or in their choice of hobby,” she added.

4. Ask open-ended and inquisitive questions

“Many video games and movies aimed at young audiences portray women in hyper-sexualised ways, reinforcing objectification,” said the therapist, who advised parents to “be inquisitive” about their child’s view of these women.

You could ask questions like: “What do you think about how the women were described in that movie?” or “How are female characters represented in your video games – and what do you think of this?”

5. Do not dismiss viewpoints

Being present and open for discussion is “essential”, added the therapist.

“When children express their thoughts on these issues, as parents it’s important we actively listen and validate our child’s experiences, and avoid dismissing their viewpoints,” she added.

6. Don’t judge

If you want your child to come to you when they need help, it’s important to refrain from judging them during these chats – and in your general day-to-day interactions. 

“Let your child know that there is no question too small or too silly to ask,” Yasssin advised. “If we encourage children to talk, we must ensure we meet it with empathy, and reassure them they will not be judged.”

7. Address inappropriate humour

“Some children may trivialise misogyny or sexism as jokes,” added the therapist.

If this happens, explain that a joke is only a joke if everyone is laughing. If a joke comes at someone else’s expense, it’s not humour – it’s harm.

“For boys who engage in disrespectful behaviour toward girls, this often stems from a need for belonging and empowerment. Teaching them that self-worth doesn’t come from diminishing others is vital,” she added.

8. Promote a healthy attitude toward all genders

Setting an example is also key to encouraging healthy attitudes towards genders – and that means modelling inclusivity in your interactions, and avoiding gendered jokes and stereotypes within the family.

“Sibling interactions, ‘jokes’ from fathers or grandfathers, and other casual remarks can reinforce harmful biases if left unaddressed,” said Yassin.

9. Equip children with boundaries

Lastly, young people may find themselves pulled into uncomfortable discussions or jokes over time, so the therapist warned that teaching them how to set personal boundaries is “crucial”.

She suggested a simple phrase like, “I’m not available for this conversation,” can effectively shut down unwanted discussions without escalating conflict. 

For more conversation pointers on talking specifically about misogyny and online influencers with young people, check out this helpful guide by PHSE teacher Will Howell-Harte.

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