The Curse of Tim Walz: Minnesota Twins Go 0-4 After Loser VP Candidate Predicts Undefeated Season
Tim Walz is trying to make a comeback after losing the 2024 election, but he can't shake the stench of failure emanating from his Midwestern dad body. The Minnesota governor, best known for being briefly adored by mainstream journalists after Kamala Harris picked him as her running mate, keeps spreading his loser vibes wherever he goes.
Last week, for example, Walz cheered on the Minnesota Twins at their opening game versus the St. Louis Cardinals, and predicted his team would go undefeated. The Twins lost that game and the next two as the Cardinals swept the three-game series. The humiliation continued on Monday, when the Twins were blown out (9-0) by the Chicago White Sox, a team that set a new record last year for most losses in a season. The Twins are now 0-4 since Walz cursed them with his presence. They've been outscored 24-6 during that span.
Some people are just born to lose. For reasons that defy conventional explanation, Walz's next stop after the opening day photo op was a town hall event in Houston with Beto O'Rourke, the Texas Democrat best known for achieving the rare trifecta of political failure by losing consecutive elections for senator, president, and governor. "Man, I'm just born to be in it," O'Rourke told Vanity Fair before launching his presidential campaign in 2020. He dropped out several months before the Iowa caucuses, but tried to bounce back by running for governor of Texas in 2022, only to lose by double digits. Beto might be the only Democrat in the country (besides Hillary Clinton, obviously) who is even less cool and worse at winning than Tim Walz.
It's hardly the first time an obnoxious Democrat has cursed a group of hardworking athletes by being lame and attempting to cheer them on. Barack Obama, the semi-renowned Netflix producer and former president of the United States, pretended he was good at sports even though he wasn't even good at being a fan. Multiple athletes suffered debilitating injuries on his watch. Tiger Woods, the greatest golfer of all time, didn't win a single major during Obama's presidency. In 2019, the Toronto Raptors defeated the Golden State Warriors in the NBA finals after Obama attended a game in Canada, where he met with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in a presumed effort to undermine American interests.
Sorry, Twins fans. It's going to be a rough season thanks to your "knucklehead" governor. Maybe it's karmic justice for all the times he lied about serving in combat and witnessing the Tiananmen Square massacre, or celebrating the decline of the 1.6 million Tesla shares held by Minnesota's retirement fund for public employees. Whatever the case may be, we strongly encourage Walz to keep it up. Democrats should be doing everything in their power to make him the face of the party.
Walz-O'Rourke 2028!
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