Becoming a parent has changed how I approach friendships. I've stopped people-pleasing and let go of relationships that don't serve me.

• When I was younger, my friend group was much more fluid, and I had fewer boundaries.
• Now that I'm a parent, I'm more discerning about who I let in my inner circle.
• I want to model healthy boundaries for my children.

I've always been a people pleaser, and once I flew the coop, I also became an adventure seeker.

In my 20s, I enjoyed living in other places, traveling the country, and meeting new people with different backgrounds and wide, varying perspectives on life, politics, and faith. Because of my nomadic lifestyle and audacious personality, I would quickly and easily allow people into my inner circle like water flowing in, uninhibited.

I had an insatiable desire for unique experiences and a multifaceted community, no matter the cost. Throughout that time, I found myself excusing behaviors in friends that hurt me or others around them, and I had a hard time speaking up when I should have because of my people-pleasing habit.

I didn't learn how to create healthy boundaries from my parents

I wasn't raised in a household that modeled healthy boundaries or welcomed difficult conversations. I was taught to be amenable and not to question authority, even when injustice was being done. Thus, I wasn't equipped to deal with certain interpersonal challenges when they inevitably arrived in adulthood. I continued the pattern of sweeping big, important things under the rug for the sake of not ruffling feathers.

Through therapy, I've learned how to set boundaries in both new and old relationships, and I hope to pass these hard-learned lessons down to my daughters, even from a young age. For example, I estranged my father six years ago, and I've allowed ideological tension to break yearslong friendships in order to welcome more peace and ease into my everyday life and, in turn, open the door to more time, energy, and space for new relationships to take form.

As I near 40, I'm being more thoughtful about who I spend time with

I'm also close to 40 now and have become more discerning about who I let into my inner circle because of my daughters, those little sponges who are incessantly collecting information about the world around them and themselves. Yes, it's important for our kids to be exposed to all different walks of life, but I think it's also important for the next generation to be selective of who they surround themselves with — both online and offline — which is why I've taken my job as their role model very seriously during these formative years of their lives.

When we interact with other families, either through school or other celebratory occasions, I like to remind my children that other people do things differently and that that doesn't mean that they're better or we're better, and that's OK. That's actually good because it shows my children everyone has their own volition and can choose their own path that feels right for themselves and their families. Lately, this has looked like an explanation of why some kids go to after-care, and she doesn't — their parents work until 5 p.m. — or why some friends celebrate Hanukkah instead of Christmas.

In the last couple of years, my husband and I have become more settled and focused on laying down roots in our new city, where we hope to stay for a beat or two and continue fostering deep, meaningful relationships. I've whittled my inner circle group to folks who root for me and whom I root for — reciprocal relationships. I've also added distance between old friends and acquaintances who have unaligned beliefs and values to my own.

I've also become more reflective about the benefits and drawbacks of certain friendships, and even though my children may not be fully aware, my hope is that, through my example, they will one day be able to recognize that they can be deliberate about their choices, and they should be, in order to protect themselves — in order to protect their hearts.