‘Don’t Be a PANICAN’: Trump Name-calling to End Market Crash

Last week Donald Trump announced sweeping tariffs, then suggested via an article shared to Truth Social that everyone should relax because he’s “purposely crashing the market.” Despite the president’s call to “HANK TOUGH” on Friday, everyone did the exact opposite over the weekend. Americans stressed about their shrinking 401(k)s and stocked up on big-ticket items like iPhones. As Asian markets plunged on Sunday night, the U.S. braced for a historic plunge.

So Trump turned to his favorite tactic: hurling nasty nicknames. In a series of Monday morning Truth Social posts, the president insisted that prices are down, he’s just fixing the mistakes of his predecessors, and “some day people will realize that Tariffs, for the United States of America, are a very beautiful thing!” Then he dropped a new moniker for anyone who says otherwise:

A first, it seemed like Trump should have spent less time golfing this weekend and more time workshopping his latest idiotic nickname. “Panican” — probably a combination of “panic” and “Republican” — is not an obvious jab, as evidenced by the fact that Trump needed to explain the meaning. (“A new party based on Weak and Stupid people!”)

When the U.S. markets opened half an hour later, the news was grim, as expected. U.S. stocks tumbled for a third straight day and the S&P 500 entered bear market territory for the first time since 2022.

This is now the worst three-day performance for the S&P 500 since October 1987.

— Joe Weisenthal (@TheStalwart) April 7, 2025

But suddenly, the markets swung up wildly. Trump successfully mocked the stock market into submission! Another widely derided Trumpian nickname worked, just like “Kamabla“!

Well, upon further investigation, the markets actually rallied in response to a rumor that Trump was considering a 90-day pause on tariffs for all countries except China (this was widely attributed to X user “*Walter Bloomberg,” but was also reported on CNBC and may have originally come from a Reuters bulletin):

the Dow turns positive as CNBC talks about reporting that Kevin Hassett is saying Trump is considering a 90 day pause on tariffs for all countries other than China pic.twitter.com/ODJOsGVqWU

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 7, 2025

And upon even further investigation, that is literally fake news. The speculation was based on a misinterpretation of comments top Trump adviser Kevin Hassett made in a Fox News interview. The White House quickly said reports of a 90-day pause on tariffs were untrue, and the markets continued their plunge:

INSANE market action right now. Market exploded higher on a headline attributed to Kevin Hassett. And now nobody can figure out where it came from and the markets are diving again.

An 8% surge and then a 3.5% plunge in a matter of seconds pic.twitter.com/HAcWqgrrch

— Joe Weisenthal (@TheStalwart) April 7, 2025

A short time later, Trump threatened even higher tariffs on China:

So Trump’s name-calling did not immediately stop the tariffs chaos. But it’s only been a few hours since he launched “PANICAN.” I guess we need to “HANK TOUGH” on the new insult strategy, too.