Does Becoming a Mom Have to Wreck Your Personal Style?
In the final months of my first pregnancy, I’ve been bombarded with advice and warnings about the monumental transformation that is becoming a mother for the first time. Amid all the quips about the lack of sleep and the pain of breastfeeding, more than a few seasoned moms have cautioned me about something less consequential but still pretty bleak: “Most moms have terrible style,” they tell me. “Prepare for a fashion crisis.”
I consulted a group chat of friends who were all newish moms. One told me she had bought and returned 15 dresses before she found one she was happy to wear to her brother’s wedding. Another said that when she went back to the office after the birth of her first child, her style was so outdated that her mentor sat her down and said that if she wanted to get promoted, she needed to fix her wardrobe. A third friend said that while she managed to overhaul her work clothes after her first baby, she is stressed knowing she plans to have another kid soon. “By the time I need to go back post–baby No. 2, the styles will have changed again,” she said.
The moms in my group chat weren’t alone in their frustrations. While any number of life events, like moving cities, changing careers, or simply getting older, can trigger a fashion crisis, motherhood wreaks a special kind of havoc on your sense of style — sometimes for years. At first, there’s little time or energy to think about getting dressed. Most moms are in survival mode: sleep-deprived, dealing with spit-up, breastfeeding, or recovering from birth. “You prioritize more basic hygiene than putting together a look that you feel really good in,” said Laurel Pantin, a mom of two who writes about fashion and motherhood in her Substack newsletter, Earl Earl and Your Mom. And in the months and years after that initial newborn phase, “what feels good” often changes. Maybe your weight fluctuates, never returning to what it was before pregnancy; maybe the shape of your waist or breasts changes or your feet get bigger. The transformations aren’t just physical: becoming a mom also usually triggers a massive identity shift. Suddenly, that pre-baby closet becomes a symbol of a person who no longer exists but probably doesn’t yet fully know her new self, either.
Danielle, a mom in New Jersey, had her second daughter in 2021 and afterward lived exclusively in big sweatshirts and leggings. Looking back on pictures from that time, she felt like she had given up on style. “It really was this crisis of Who am I? And that was reflected in the clothing that I was wearing and me not wanting to invest in certain pieces,” she said. About two years ago, Danielle decided to stop chasing her pre-pregnancy weight and reserve her leggings for workouts only. But old reliable, go-to shops like Zara suddenly seemed too young for her. “It’s very hard to find stores that cater to someone in that mid-age who does still want to be hip and cool and on-trend but doesn’t want to spend a ton of money,” she said.
Anna Newton, a British fashion influencer who also writes about mom style on Substack, said her initial instinct after having her son in 2021 was to hide in leggings, baggy T-shirts, and chunky sneakers. When she was ready to think about her wardrobe again, she started by trying on everything in her closet and “being really, really honest with myself as to whether things fitted, or whether I even liked them anymore,” she said. Newton ended up taking the closet clean-out process in stages: first around six months postpartum, then around a year out, and again at 18 months. It wasn’t until that third session that she felt she understood “what mum looks like on me.” Before having a baby, Newton’s style was “super-elevated and polished,” meaning lots of heeled boots and tiny handbags. Now she’s adapted a more practical version of that style — meaning more leather ballet flats and loafers (she’s currently loving a pair from Le Monde Beryl). “I’m not going to the park in my Toteme kitten heeled boots anymore.”
If there’s something in your closet that you’re like, This will fit me if I just lose five pounds or ten pounds — don’t do that to yourself.
Like every other mom I’ve spoken to about their personal style in recent weeks, Newton ended up getting rid of almost every pair of pants she owned before becoming a mom. Jeans were the toughest category for most women because they can become a depressing reminder of your pre-pregnancy body. “If there’s something in your closet that you’re like, This will fit me if I just lose five pounds or ten pounds — don’t do that to yourself,” said Pantin. “There’s enough shit to feel bad about when you’ve just had kids.” Before becoming a mom, Pantin’s style was maximalist and ill-equipped for chasing after toddlers. Afterward, she first adopted a minimalist uniform “because I felt like that was easier.” Now that her kids are older, Pantin has found her way back to a new version of her expressive style. She spends many days in sweatshirts and jeans but can spice up a playground playdate outfit with a brightly colored argyle sweater from &Daughter and a vintage Wrangler jean jacket.
Her advice for moms finding their way out of a postpartum style crisis: Regularly audit your closet, and invite a friend over when you do so it’s less of a chore. “Start back out with classics, like a great pair of denims and a great button down and a blazer, and then let your style and the things that you like evolve from there,” Pantin said. And stop taking your cues from influencers who lead a different lifestyle. “If you are following people whose style you admire, and they’re 21 years old, they don’t have kids, and they’re on a yacht — that’s not doing you any good,” she said.
The post-motherhood style evolution might take you places your pre-baby self would have never expected. Before becoming a mother ten years ago, Brooklyn mom Stephanie lived for thin, drapey, boyish thrifted T-shirts that “hung just right.” Now that she’s older and a little curvier, she doesn’t buy things that don’t fit or flatter her shape. And she’s more willing to highlight her waistline by tucking tops into high-waisted jeans or long skirts — something that once felt too girly to her. “Now I just own it,” she said. “It’s like a grown-up sexy-mom thing.”
Danielle, the New Jersey mom, also went through a process of owning her adulthood through her style. Coming out of her leggings-and-sweatshirt years — and now working in social media with many people who are more than a decade younger than her — she realized she needed to dress like the seasoned leader she is. Her new uniform is classic, polished, structured pieces that are roomy in a stylish way without swallowing her frame. And while she said she “was one of the last people that got rid of skinny jeans,” Danielle tries to avoid being led by trends, as do many of the moms I spoke to, which can make shopping a challenge, especially on a budget.
For other moms, growing up in their sense of style can look more feminine or revealing. Newton recently bought a skimpier top from Reformation, with ties down the front, that she would have been too shy to wear before. “It’s quite liberating, in a way. I have given birth in front of doctors, in front of nurses, who have seen everything,” she said. “Now I feel in a different place with my femininity, my sexuality, and feel much more carefree about it.”
Day-to-day mom life doesn’t lend itself to skimpy tops, of course. I asked Newton and the other moms about their go-to outfits, and the big theme was comfort with special details. Newton loves to wear a gray, crewneck sweater or a white T-shirt with jeans that aren’t too wide or too straight, like Loulou de Saison’s Samur style. And she relies on belts and chunky gold earrings to make her feel more put together. Stephanie lives in Levi’s, Blundstones, and cropped sweatshirts and frequently wears the three pieces she brought from Rachel Comey’s 2021 Target collaboration, including a pair of marbled blue-and-white jeans. Danielle is currently loving her wide-leg leopard-print pants from Cedar, gold sneakers from Cole Haan, and a black cotton V-neck sweater from J.Crew
But if motherhood is challenging enough that finding the time to hone your style never seems to materialize, that’s okay, too. It can be an ever-evolving journey. Stephanie gave me some optimism about the transformation I have coming for me in just a few weeks — good advice for not just dressing but living. “You have to embrace what makes you feel good,” she said. “Because, not to be corny, but that’s the most important thing — your kids seeing you have fun and feel good about yourself.”
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