I refused to pay for my daughter's college and instead had her take out student loans. I didn't want to ruin my financial freedom.

• I didn't pay for my daughter's college tuition because I didn't want to risk my financial freedom.
• Instead, I paid for her car and housing while she was in college, helping her graduate.
• Now, she is paying back her loans, and I'm saving for retirement.

I am the youngest of four siblings and the only one who attended college. When I pursued my undergraduate degree, I knew the financial responsibility would fall entirely on me.

My mom didn't have much money, and although I qualified for federal and state grants, it only covered part of my college tuition. By my sophomore year, the grants ran out, and I had to take out student loans.

When I went to college in the 1990s, college was much cheaper than it is now. I went to Buffalo State in Buffalo, NY, and one semester was less than $5,000.

Years later, I decided to attend graduate school, and there were no grants, so I had to take out student loans for tens of thousands of dollars. This compounded my student debt since I was still paying for my undergraduate degree.

Now that I'm free of that debt, I had no intention of paying for my daughter's college.

Navigating the cost of college

I finished paying my student loans about five years before my daughter graduated from high school. I started thinking about how my daughter's college education would be funded.

I wanted to help her get the college education that she needed, but I also did not want to risk my financial future.

My daughter graduated from high school in 2015. She had already decided to enter nursing school and pursue her nursing degree.

When we talked about her college education, I told her I was willing to help her get the education she wanted, but I would not pay for it. I had plans for myself, including retirement, and I loved my financial freedom. I didn't want to risk losing all that.

Since I didn't want to pay directly out of pocket, we agreed that I would take out the student (parent) loans in my name so that she could attend college to pursue her nursing degree.

I provided for her needs during college

Although I was not going to pay for college, I did help her out directly in other ways. I provided her with a car.

I also paid for all her expenses to travel back home during school breaks or holidays, as well as some of her books on several occasions.

At the start of her junior year, with my support, she quit her part-time job near college, and every week, I would send her money that was the equivalent of her weekly paycheck from the previous six months.

Cost of college

She attended college from 2015 to 2019. Each school year was over $22,000 a year in tuition alone.

By the time she had finished her undergraduate degree and graduated in 2019, she (in my name) had racked up almost $110,000 in student loans between principal and interest.

She started her career as a nurse four months after graduating, and her student loan repayments began six months after graduation.

Before the first payment was due, the agreement was that she would send me her student loan payment electronically since the loan company would take the monthly payment from my bank account.

Less than a year after she graduated, I refinanced the student loans by 3% percentage points and shaved off almost 3 years of the payback period, saving her thousands of dollars of interest.

She has faithfully kept her part of the bargain as of today and only owes about $36,000 of the almost $110,000 student loan tab.

I didn't ruin my financial future and freedom

I did not (and do not) feel guilty or responsible for shouldering the financial burden of paying for her college degree. I knew I could help her in other ways that did not include making me solely responsible for her education.

Ultimately, it was her choice to go to college and the one who would benefit from earning a degree — not me.

Because I refused to pay for her college education but helped her differently, I accomplished two things. One, I helped her earn her degree; she is currently in the career of her choice.

Second, I didn't have to risk my financial freedom and future by paying for college, taking away money I could save for retirement.