Dear Abby: Our sons are stand-up comedians, and what they’re doing isn’t funny
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are the parents of three grown sons. “Kurt,” age 29, has been in conflict with his brother “Jared,” age 26, for more than a year.
Kurt started doing stand-up comedy but still works a day job to pay his bills. Jared now has also started doing comedy.
We suspect the disagreement started well before they did stand-up, but now there is name-calling, and both refuse to be in the same room as the other.
Kurt wants Jared to quit comedy because he feels it is an invasion of his life as well as his friend circle. Kurt has said mean things to these shared friends. Jared has apologized to Kurt for his past behavior, which included excessive drinking and other destructive activities.
Kurt has not attended a family gathering where Jared is in attendance for more than a year. Recently, Kurt said he would attend our holidays and could be civil, but now Jared says he won’t be in the same room with him since they have had no dialogue, and the personal attacks were not addressed. He wants Kurt to be held accountable.
They had one joint counseling session. Both found it counterproductive.
My sons are adults, and we can’t tell them how to live their lives.
As you can imagine, we don’t find any of this funny. We, as parents, don’t know how to handle this. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
— PARENTS IN TURMOIL IN OHIO
DEAR PARENTS: You can’t fix this. Your sons are adults and will have to reach a detente on their own.
Continue to invite both of your sons to family gatherings, and hope that eventually Jared will mellow.
Comedy is a tough field. May the best comedian be left standing.
DEAR ABBY: I have had a housecleaner helping me to take care of my home for the last 30 years.
She comes sometimes every week, sometimes every other week. She works part-time at another job, and we work around her schedule.
When I retired five years ago and the pandemic began, I was sitting full time for my grandkids. Everyone is in school now, and I think I would like to clean the house myself.
I enjoy cleaning, though I welcomed the help when I was working full time and caring for my kids and then the grandkids.
My housecleaner and I are friendly and visit when she’s here. I am wondering how to go about ending this relationship, as well as what I owe her for her loyalty and help.
— CLEANING HOUSE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR CLEANING HOUSE: Talk to your housekeeper and explain to her what you are thinking.
Offer her several months’ salary. Then, instead of cutting her off completely, ask if she would come to you once a month “to catch any spots you miss, as well as to visit.” (You said you have become friends.)
After doing the housecleaning for a month or so, you may find it isn’t as enjoyable as you remembered and increase the woman’s visits if she is still available. Good housekeepers are hard to find, and she may be busy.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.