Harriette Cole: Here’s why I won’t ever travel with a friend again
DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding “On the Road,” the female reader interested in solo travel: As a veteran female wanderer, I highly recommend going solo.
For one thing, people are often highly focused on what they want from a journey, and sometimes with a friend, these desires can clash. There can be little room for compromise when time is limited.
In addition, if you go with a pal, this is the main person you’ll be talking with, but by yourself, you’re much more likely to interact with locals — even with language differences! — or other travelers. This points up one of the big pluses of travel: experiencing other cultures.
The only two unpleasant trips I’ve ever had were when I went with a friend and things weren’t working out.
I also recommend keeping the itinerary as flexible as possible, which can’t happen in a group trip. You don’t know how you’ll like a place until you get there.
Go alone, and overcome any anxieties!
— Go Solo
DEAR GO SOLO: Wow! This situation really hit a nerve for a lot of people. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
I think that for anyone who is adventurous enough to go on a solo trip, that’s great. I agree that when you are alone, you create space to do what you want with no compromises. Just make sure somebody back home has your itinerary in case of emergency.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and even though I know it was the right decision, I can’t seem to stop thinking about him.
We were together for a long time, and he was a big part of my daily life. Now that he’s gone, everything feels empty.
I keep catching myself wanting to text him, wondering what he’s doing and replaying our memories in my head.
Even when I try to distract myself with work, friends or hobbies, he still pops into my mind, and I can’t seem to shake the feeling of missing him.
What makes it harder is that I go back and forth between emotions. Some days, I feel strong and remind myself why we broke up. Other days, I romanticize our relationship and convince myself that maybe I made a mistake.
I know deep down that moving on is the best thing for me, but I just don’t know how to stop obsessing over him and truly let go. How do I break this cycle and move forward without constantly thinking about him?
— How To Let Go
DEAR HOW TO LET GO: You have to be patient. It takes time to let go of a relationship that was meaningful to you.
Make up your mind that you are done. Do not contact him for any reason. When thoughts of him crop up, take a deep breath and invite yourself to let them go. Do not indulge any fantasies about him. Stop the wishing and daydreaming immediately.
You have the ability to be in control of yourself, including your thoughts. It may feel like a battle right now, but over time, you will grow to accept that this chapter of your life is over — as long as you keep the door shut.
Do not call. Do not text. Do not troll his social media. Do not talk to your friends about him. Move forward.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.