My divorced parents live together and it's changed how I look at love
Courtesy of Tricia Patras
- My parents divorced after 19 years of marriage.
- I had a hard time accepting that people I loved so dearly could grow to hate each other so much.
- Several years after the divorce, my parents moved in together and it's reshaped my view of love.
My divorced parents live together. It's something I used to be ashamed of and lie about whenever people would ask.
I'd say they lived separately or simply pretended they were still married. Now, I own it.
I don't know if this arrangement between my parents will last forever, but I'm happy they've found a way to make it work.
My parents lived apart for several years following the divorce
Courtesy of Tricia Patras
My parents divorced after 19 years of marriage when I was 17 and my sister was 10. It was a difficult time for everyone.
I found it hard to accept the idea that people I loved so dearly could grow so hateful toward one another.
The only thing that gave me solace was knowing they would no longer live together, so their arguments wouldn't ring through our adolescent ears.
My sister and I could try to have a relationship with both of them, separately and without bias. This, of course, took a while to achieve.
For the first few years after their divorce, me and my sister were in a constant battle of taking "sides." At one point, it felt like a competition of who — my mom or dad — could survive divorce better.
The financial struggle was apparent on both sides, and the resentment had overpowered everything of the happy life they once knew together.
Then, the pandemic hit.
My mom, a front-line nurse, developed debilitating long COVID and lost her job and income.
When my mom fell on hard times, it was my dad's idea to let her move into his home temporarily for a maximum of six months. Those six months have turned into four years.
At first, my sister and I felt like we were going through a second divorce
Courtesy of Tricia Patras
When our dad made the initial offer to our mom to move back in, my sister, who was living with my dad, and I — who lived out of state but came home often for monthslong stays in summer and winter — were beside ourselves.
At first, things were as you would expect for two divorcees living together.
They couldn't be in the kitchen at the same time. The fights were reminiscent of what we'd hear during their marriage.
It felt like we were going through a second divorce. However, within the second year, the situation started to improve.
In 2022, we even had Christmas dinner as a family for the first time in 10 years.
My mom made her famous lasagna and we watched "White Christmas" together in the family room.
They still have completely separate lives
Courtesy of Tricia Patras
Four years after they moved back in together, my parents are still divorced, and the divide between them is still there.
They have their own social circles and don't often hang out together unless me and my sister are present.
However, it's interesting to watch how preferences from 19 years of marriage can never fade.
My mom doesn't think twice before switching over my dad's laundry, and he always brings home an extra slab of ribs when he runs to Portillos, my mom's favorite meal.
It took a while for them to find the proper boundaries to make this living arrangement work, but eventually, they found a decent enough common ground.
I don't know if this situation will last forever, but it's shaped how I look at love
Courtesy of Tricia Patras
I never thought I would have hope when speaking about my parents' relationship.
Growing up, I always had a preserved idea of love. I would frequently ask myself, "Where does the love go?"
However, since my parents have learned how to cohabit, I've learned that love doesn't leave, it just changes shape, no matter the resentment or hatred that might be attached.
Although sometimes dysfunctional, their care for one another has found ways to overpower the hate.
I never thought I would experience the day where I looked at this situation as convenient. Yet, here I am, feeling lucky that I got both my parents back.
I now come home for the holidays to one family in one house. A reminder that love has the power to evolve into something that can still surprise and inspire.