I’m having an affair with my much older aunt – I know it’s wrong but the sex is so good

DEAR DEIDRE: FOR a year, I’ve been having a passionate affair with my much older aunt.

I know it’s wrong but I can’t stop as the sex is so good. I’m a single guy in my early 20s. She’s 52 and married to my dad’s brother.

We’re not a close family, so I barely met her growing up. I got talking to her at a family wedding last year. I couldn’t believe how attractive she was, and how young she looks, it’s like she’s in her thirties.

My uncle is the opposite — old for his age and grumpy. We both had quite a lot to drink, and I could tell she was happy to spend time with me.

I also noticed that she seemed to appreciate my physique, as she kept touching me. She was very flirty.

At the end of the evening, she slipped me her number and told me to message her.

I wasn’t sure what she intended but I started fantasising about her. Feeling very naughty, I contacted her. We met the following weekend in a hotel bar.

She told me my uncle was away on business and invited me back to her house.

The anticipation was thrilling and the sex didn’t disappoint.

I’d never been with an older woman before and she was so much more experienced than my previous lovers.

Since then, we’ve met whenever we have had the chance.

Even though we’re not blood related, I know it’s bad. My parents would be shocked if they knew. Yet the sex is so addictive, I keep going back for more.

I keep thinking the affair will fizzle out by itself, so I won’t have to make a decision.

But that hasn’t happened yet. In fact, I think I’ve fallen for her. What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: You both know this affair is wrong and dangerous – and that’s what’s driving it. Forbidden sex is very exciting.

But the longer this goes on and the more risks you take, the more chance there is that you’ll get caught.

Not only could this wreck your aunt’s marriage, it could also cause conflict in your family and destroy your dad’s relationship with his brother.

This affair has no future, she is 30 years older than you, as well as being a relative.

You’ve fallen for her but she is using you for sex.

As you’ve probably guessed, the only advice I can give you is to end this now before anyone in the family gets hurt.

My support pack, Your Lover Not Free, will tell you more about the dangers of illicit relationships.

THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME DITCH ONLINE STALKING

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I started to become obsessed with a man I met online, I realised how lonely and miserable I’d become.

I was insanely jealous of another woman he was talking to – who he admitted having feelings for – even though we’d never met. And I spent hours looking at his social media and couldn’t help messaging him several times a day.

I’m a 45-year-old single woman.

When it got to the point that I could barely leave my house, I wrote to you for help.

You didn’t judge me, but honestly and kindly told me this situation wasn’t helping me, and that the relationship was going nowhere.

You advised me to talk to my GP and to think about having counselling, and asked me to read your support packs, Living With Anxiety and Help For Your Depression.

Counselling has helped a little. I’ve been managing to leave my house a few times a week, and I’m trying hard not to message the man I met online.

I’ve also been talking to an ex, who is interested in making things work with me. I feel positive about the future.

DEIDRE SAYS: It takes time for counselling to work but I’m glad you’re feeling more positive.

Perhaps delete the online man’s contacts, so you can’t message him.

SEXLESS MARRIAGE

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years in a sexless marriage as a carer for my wife, I’m on the brink of looking for sex with another woman.

I know cheating is wrong, but while I love my wife, my marriage is no longer a partnership, and I feel lonely and frustrated.

I’m in my late 50s and my wife is 60. We’ve been married for 30 years.

Although our marriage was loving at first, over time sex took a back seat.

By the time my wife was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s, four years ago, we had been celibate for almost a decade.

Caring for her is physically and mentally exhausting and she is often nasty to me.

I know she can’t help it, but it makes me miss affection and intimacy even more.

Would it be wrong if I looked for a woman to have a sexual relationship with?

I don’t want to fall in love with anyone, I just want to be held and kissed again.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are clearly devoted to your wife but you also have normal needs and desires.

Unless you’re religious, the morality around cheating in a situation like this is not black and white.

Perhaps what’s more pertinent is how you would feel if you slept with another woman. You might feel too guilty to enjoy it.

You need to think this through very carefully. Talking to someone who understands, such as a counsellor, could help.

If you’re struggling with caring, contact carersuk.org (0808 808 7777).