NY Times therapist tackles whether family should keep toddler away from Trump-supporting grandparents
A New York Times "Ask the Therapist" piece tackled whether a liberal family should keep their two-year-old son away from his Trump-supporting grandparents.
"My husband and I are raising our wonderful 2-year-old son," the person seeking advice asked. "He isn’t close with his family, while I have a somewhat closer relationship with mine, particularly my dad and stepmom. However, they are Trump voters, and my husband doesn’t want our son spending time with them because they endorse values we do not share."
The piece, headlined "I Hate My Parents’ Politics. Should I Keep My Son Away?" was published Thursday and included the reader's question and a response written by Lori Gottlieb, a psychotherapist.
"We are liberal, and our occupations are currently being negatively impacted by Trump administration changes, which has only heightened my husband’s concerns. While I don’t entirely disagree with his perspective, it’s still important to me that our son has the opportunity to know his grandparents. I’ve made it clear to my husband that he’s welcome to sit out visits if he prefers, but he remains uncomfortable with this arrangement," the parent asking Gottlieb for advice continued.
Gottlieb said that exposing a child to different viewpoints could be valuable.
"That’s why it’s not just OK for your son to be around people with different worldviews — it can be valuable," she said.
"Moreover, by barring your son — or excluding himself — from visits with the grandparents, your husband would be modeling values that I’m guessing he wouldn’t ordinarily endorse or want to pass along to your child, such as seeing others in a very narrowly defined way," Gottlieb continued.
Gottlieb said the husband should consider what their son might think when he's older about being cut off from his grandparents.
"Keeping your son from his grandparents neither protects nor connects, but giving him access does both. You can, of course, attempt to set some ground rules. If visits veer into ideological territory that makes time together tense, you can say to your father and stepmother something like: ‘We so enjoy being with you and watching you spend time with your grandson. Because we don’t agree on politics and want these visits to be pleasant, we’d like to avoid sharing political opinions when we’re together,’" Gottlieb continued.
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A similar New York Times Ethicist column responded to a reader's question about how Democratic voters should deal with close relatives who supported Trump in November.
The Times author encouraged the person who was troubled by their mother being a Trump supporter to remember that people are much more than "the sum of their political views."
Another Times Ethicist piece from October responded to a reader's question about whether it was appropriate to leave the country if the "wrong" candidate became president.