This Teen Secretively Changed Her Last Name & Sparked a Huge Conversation About Women’s Identity

We’ve talked a lot about all the Reddit drama expectant parents face when picking out a baby name. They are seemingly endless. But rarely do we see the teens then grappling with their parents’ choice. Even rarer, do we find one who takes issue with her last name.

A teen joined the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA)” subreddit to explain that she was given a hyphenated name when she was born. Her mom was “the type of woman” who didn’t want to change her last name when she got married.

And so, this 19-year-old who originally posted (or the “OP” in Reddit lingo) was given the surname Thatcher-Moore.

“During childhood, I always hated it,” the OP said, “kids would sometimes poke fun at me for my last name. I also thought it sounded ugly and was a mouthful. I preferred Thatcher alone, it went better with my name and was better than Moore.”

In middle school, she started to tell people her last name was just Thatcher, which really upset her mom. “Sometimes she’d yell and demand I stop,” OP said. “Or cry, saying she just wanted her daughter to be a part of her. I felt sympathy for her, but it was also my name.”

When OP turned 18 and went to college, she decided to legally change her last name. When her mom found out (“not sure how, but I wasn’t really hiding it from her”), she “absolutely freaked out.”

“I first thought she’d be extremely angry with me, but she was heartbroken,” OP continued. “She sobbed and refused to speak to me.”

And that’s not all, her dad and other relatives are also mad at her, saying she should be ashamed for breaking her mom’s heart.

Now, she is turning to Reddit to find out if she really is she in the wrong.

More than 1.1 thousand Reddit users (and counting!) have chimed in, and a lot of people can see both sides. As a legal adult, OP should have the right to legally change her name to whatever she wants. For any reason. And honestly, I think the internet would be cheering her on if it was her first name.

But Reddit users really sympathize with her mom.

“As females, we often have to give up so much of ourselves and our identity when we marry and become mothers,” one person explained. “Carrying on a name is an honor of your mother’s identity and ancestry; it was a significant piece of her that I’m sure she was hoping to pass on to her child to wear with pride. I could absolutely see why she would be very hurt when it felt like that wasn’t the case.”

The thing that really tipped a lot of people over the edge into thinking OP is a jerk is the way she teed this whole thing up by saying her mom was “the type of woman” who didn’t want to change her name.

“The type of woman? You mean a human that also cares about her name, identity and legacy?” one person asked. “You seem to resent your mother for not going along with old patriarchal traditions. But guess what honey, your father was also that type of man who didn’t want to take your mother’s name.”

And that’s totally true. Would OP have felt the same way if her dad had changed his name and her last name was only Moore? How much of her decision-making had to do with the sound of her last name and the teasing versus wanting to adhere to societal gender norms?

Others wondered why it was so important to OP to actually go through the legal process. Her surname might not be as big of a deal going forward, and hopefully her college peers have matured past bullying someone for their name.

“Not every place in life is like high school, and not every place in life is calling your name down an attendance sheet,” one Reddit user pointed out. ” … but if it makes you feel better that your ID will now reflect the loss of your mothers maiden name then I guess I’m happy for you. Even on a lot of documents that you’ll have to sign during your life, you could just write down one last name.”

“If it was a big deal for your mother to keep it when your father and her got married, then its no wonder shes heartbroken that her own child just essentially ensured that name wouldn’t be continuing through you,” they continued.

And so ultimately, many people have voted YTA — even if it’s a “soft” vote — and have been able to see all sides.

“You have every right to change your name, your mother has every right to be heartbroken about it and your father has every right to be angry at you,” one person said, garnering 1.2 thousand upvotes.

Before you go, check out some of Reddit AITA’s biggest fiascos where everyone is to blame.