I'm a mentor for affluent teens and young adults. Here are 5 lessons every parent should teach their children before college.

• Barry Garapedian is a mentor for affluent teens and young adults.
• He says teens should learn to be of value to others.
• Going first and getting out of their comfort zone can help build confidence.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Barry Garapedian, author of "Winning the Game of Life: The Seven Lessons You Never Learn in School." It has been edited for length and clarity.

I used to work on Wall Street as a wealth manager, but my real passion was family governance — helping affluent families outline their values and family beliefs. For 40 years, I helped families draft constitutions that would govern them. The constitutions are based on seven pillars: family, faith, friends, fitness, financial, fun, and philanthropy.

It sounds grand, but a constitution can contain small things that demonstrate your family values. Mine, for example, dictates that we always drop off and pick up a family member traveling through to the airport. It's a way to show we care and be of service to our family.

Today, I'm 67 (or, as I like to say, Barry version 6.7), and I work with affluent young people (ages 14 to 30) on their personal and professional development. I structure my approach around the seven pillars, but also believe there are specific lessons young people need to succeed.

Here are five lessons every parent should teach their teens before college.

Get outside your comfort zone

Getting outside your comfort zone takes courage, and courage builds confidence. It's essential that young people have confidence in themselves personally and professionally.

I have every young person I work with build a vision board, collecting 20 images of things that will empower them. One of those things must be an impossible goal — something that seems so big it's hard to imagine. Just naming that goal is stepping out of the comfort zone, and it encourages big-picture thinking.

The youth I work with keep their vision boards as the lockscreen on their phones. I do the same thing — my vision board has pictures related to books, fitness, unprocessed foods, and discipline. I'm reminded of my goals every time I look at my phone.

Practice going first

Future leaders need to be comfortable, well, leading. So, I encourage people to practice that on the micro level by going first whenever they can. Teach your teens to initiate things — whether it's a handshake during an internship meeting, saying good morning to a teacher, or offering to press the buttons for the other people in an elevator. Over time, these small tasks build confidence and create a leadership mindset.

Be of value to others

Creating value for others is the best way to make yourself successful. There are three types of value: material/financial, emotional, and spiritual. Even affluent young people don't have much money but should learn to provide emotional or spiritual value to people around them.

Another way to put this: teach your teens to be more interested than interesting. Ask people about themselves. Recommend them a book. Make yourself someone others turn to.

Exceed expectations on purpose

When you exceed expectations, people are thrilled — and they value you. It feels really nice to make someone else feel good, which is why young people should learn to exceed expectations on purpose. I call this intentionally creating lightning strikes.

My kids are now 28 and 30, but when they were younger, and someone visited our home, they would ask for the car keys and clean the visitor's car. It made the visitor happy and helped my kids stand out. Lightning strikes don't have to be this grand — they can be as simple as calling a grandparent to say hi or sending a handwritten note.

Build good habits step by step

I usually work with young people for a year at a time. It takes about 60 to 90 days to form a new habit, so over the course of the year, we focus on building four new high-performance habits. Adding one at a time doesn't feel overwhelming, but creating four new habits a year makes a difference in their lives.

Start small: Have your teen make their bed every day. Or, make it automatic that they clear the table after dinner. Over time, these changes add up for them and you.

True success is about creating value for others and standing out. With these lessons, your teen can be well on the path to a successful future — whatever that means to them.