My ex refused to let me end things – when I finally moved on his twisted messages threatened to tear my life apart
HANDS shaking Laura Gumery struggled to comprehend what was on her boyfriend Tom Martin’s phone.
There they were, the photos she hoped never to see again, the photos her ex had promised to delete but now the intimate images were being used against her.
After learning about her new relationship with Tom, her former boyfriend Ian Davis had texted the naked images, alongside sexual messages the pair had once shared, to her new partner in a jealous rage.
Davis, 37, tried to claim that Laura, 33, had cheated with him in an attempt to sabotage the new relationship.
Thankfully Tom, 38, didn’t believe his lies and the pair reported Davis to the police.
Now the mum-of-two is sharing her story to raise awareness of revenge porn in a bid to encourage other victims to report their abusers to the police.
She says: “Reporting Ian was the best thing I ever did.
“Taking back control of my life felt amazing.
“Now I want others to not feel ashamed to come forward and seek justice.”
Laura, from South Wales, met Davis in 2015, when she was 15 and he was 20.
Initially he seemed like the perfect boyfriend, showering her with compliments and buying her gifts and almost instantly declaring his love for her.
However, he gradually became more obsessed with the then schoolgirl.
She remembers: “He’d want to talk to me all the time and if I didn’t reply straight away he’d bombard me with messages.
“He picked me up from school and I barely saw my friends and family.
“It was suffocating.”
By the time she turned 18, Laura ended the relationship.
Despite this, Davis begged her to reconsider, even pestering her friends to get Laura to talk to him.
But she blocked his number and eventually he left her alone.
Five years on in 2015, aged 23, Laura fell pregnant but the father didn’t want to be involved.
Soon after, Davis got in touch, out of the blue.
She remembers: “He apologised for his behaviour during the relationship.
“Saying he wasn’t that person anymore and missed me.
“He wanted another chance.
“Feeling vulnerable at that time, I agreed to try again, he genuinely seemed to have changed.
“I agreed to date again once the baby was born.”
At first, things were bliss for the couple as Davis became a loving father-figure to Laura’s newborn son.
But within seven months, the relationship began to unravel.
Often, Davis would go away at the weekends for car rallies and Laura was left to do everything and the couple found themselves arguing constantly.
Despite this, in December 2017 the pair got engaged and planned to marry.
Only, two years on, in May 2019, Laura was told by a friend that Davis had allegedly cheated while on a trip away.
Laura explains: “I confronted him but he denied it.
“By this point I’d had enough, so I cancelled our wedding and moved out with my son.
“I couldn’t trust him.
“I still allowed him to see my son as they had such a close relationship.”
When lockdown hit in March 2020, Laura continued to stay in touch with Davis as he still had a hold over her.
She remembers: “He’d turn up at my house unannounced and would text me, asking who I was seeing.
“He would be so jealous if he ever saw a car parked outside mine and was convinced I was still his.
“Sometimes it was easier to go along with it. I got less grief that way.
“Occasionally, I slept with him to keep him off my back so I could have a social life without him.
“I did it to keep him ‘happy’ so he would let me have a life and stop monitoring me all the time.”
During this time, Laura sent Davis two nude pictures of herself taken in her bedroom and they shared a flurry of sexual messages together.
With Davis texting her naked pictures of himself too, but Laura deleted them straight away.
She explains: “I wanted to make him believe I was still ‘his’.
“Looking back, it was so unhealthy and toxic but I couldn’t see a way to break free from his control.”
Months later, in April 2021, Laura met her boyfriend, Tom, on a blind date.
They hit it off and the following month, he stayed over at Laura’s.
Only, the next morning, Davis sent her a cryptic message.
She says: “He told me he’d always ‘loved me’ and that I ‘couldn’t survive’ without him.
“I decided to cut ties with him for good.”
A year on, in July 2022, Laura received a message on Instagram from Davis.
It said: “Blocking me was the wrong thing to do I’ve got somethings (sic) your boyfriend should see its (sic) your call now.”
I hated Ian for what he’d done and I was terrified he’d posted them elsewhere too
Laura Gumery
After telling her he had nothing to lose, he ordered her to unblock him.
Laura says: “I had no idea what he was talking about and threatened to contact the police if he messaged me or Tom.
“Then I blocked him on Instagram too.”
In September that year, Laura discovered she was pregnant.
A week later, the day after she celebrated her 31st birthday, Tom called in distress.
Laura remembers: “He told me that Ian had been in touch.
“That he’d sent him two naked pictures of me as well as the sexual conversations we’d had together.
“I immediately felt sick.
“Panic hit me. I thought, ‘That’s it, Tom’s going to leave me.’”
With that, Laura rushed home.
There, Tom showed her Davis’ messages. In one, he’d called her a ‘w***e’.
She says: “I was so mortified and ashamed he’d seen the pictures of me.
“Ian had tried to make out I’d cheated on Tom with him.
“I explained that the pictures were sent before we were together and that I hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Tom was so calm and supportive, but I knew he was upset.
“Thankfully he believed me.
“I hated Ian for what he’d done and I was terrified he’d posted them elsewhere too.
“He’d completely taken away the joy of our pregnancy news.”
WHAT IS REVENGE PORN?
Victims have been targeted by revenge porn from their exes, and occasionally third parties, who seek to destroy their reputation or post it as a form of harassment.
The posting of revenge porn includes photos and videos of the victim that are posted online without the individual’s consent, with one in 25 Americans affected, according to a 2016 article by The Washington Post.
Americans between the ages of 18 and 30 are primarily victims of revenge porn, and a study conducted in 2016 found that approximately 10million people, or two percent of the population, had reported they were victims.
Revenge porn is not protected under the First Amendment of free speech which does not protect the distribution of private facts, defamation, and child pornography.
Under section 230 Communications Decency Act of 1996, websites are considered third parties and not legally liable for content posted online.
However, in 2020, then-Attorney General William Barr wrote a letter to Congress requesting websites to be required to take action and hold the third parties accountable for not removing nonconsensual content.
In his letter, Barr wrote that technological changes since 1996 have advanced, and the law should be amended to reflect this.
He stated that section 230 “shields ‘any action voluntarily taken in good faith to restrict access to or availability of material that the provider or user considers being obscene, lewd, lascivious, filthy, excessively violent, harassing, or otherwise objectionable.'”
Barr provided reforms to section 230, changing “‘otherwise objectionable’ with more specific language including ‘promoting terrorism or violent extremism, promoting self-harm’ and ‘unlawful.'”
The bill to amend section 230 was brought to the Senate in October 2021 and as of May 2022, it is still being reviewed.
Afterwards, Tom told Laura how it was a crime to distribute naked images and explained all about the law on revenge porn.
So, the couple reported Davis to the police.
Laura says: “At first I thought Ian hadn’t done anything wrong as I didn’t think it was illegal to share intimate images with someone you knew.
“But Tom told me it was an offence and reminded me of the Georgia Harrison case.”
Georgia’s disgraced ex Stephen Bear is currently serving a 21 month prison sentence for voyeurism and sharing a sex tape.
Stephen filmed consensual sex with Georgia on CCTV in 2020 then made at least £40,000 on OnlyFans from uploading the clip.
He was also placed on the Sex Offenders Register for ten years and was slapped with a five-year restraining order banning him from contacting Georgia.
I was mortified but determined to see Ian punished
Laura Gumery
TV personality Georgia was among those to call for a change to the legislation.
It will now be easier to prosecute people for sharing revenge porn after a change in the law in England and Wales.
Revenge porn was criminalised in 2015 but before now prosecutors had to prove there was an intention to cause humiliation or distress, but laws introduced on Tuesday will remove this clause.
The day that Laura filed the report an officer came to take Laura’s statement.
Laura says: “While the officer asked to see the pictures, he was professional and offered no judgement.
“I was mortified but determined to see Ian punished.”
Soon after, Davis was arrested and charged. It took three years to get to court.
This month, at Newport Crown Court, Davis was found guilty of sharing an intimate photograph without consent and sharing an intimate photograph without consent while intending to cause harm, distress or humiliation.
He was handed a seven month sentence, suspended by one year and a five-year restraining order.
Laura says: “Sharing intimate pictures with others causes lasting damage.
“It harms self-esteem and can ruin family relationships.
“Thankfully Tom has been my rock and supported me throughout.
“Now I teach my boys that when you’re going through tough times, don’t back away, because, in the end, the person telling the truth always wins.”