We spend all our PTO and travel budget visiting family. I'm jealous of friends who can take real vacations.

• My husband and I live in Canada, but have family in Ireland and Australia.
• Our travel budgets and PTO are used exclusively to visit loved ones around the world.
• I envy those who get to take exciting vacations to new places.

Despite visiting Sydney every year or two, I realized I had almost nothing to offer when a friend recently asked for travel recommendations.

She wanted to know the best beaches, must-visit restaurants, and activities for her 4-year-old, but when I'm there, I'm not actually sightseeing.

Instead, I'm tucked away in a suburb with my close friend, grabbing coffee at her local café and watching her son's soccer practice.

It's nice, but it's been a while since I used my vacation days for an actual vacation — and I find myself jealous of those who do.

I'm grateful for the relationships we maintain with our travels, but the vacation envy is real

My husband and I have friends and family scattered across three continents, and we use all of our travel budget and PTO visiting them.

His family's from Ireland, I have family in Australia, and we live in Vancouver, Canada. So, every year or two, we take our kids, ages 5 and 8, on long-haul flights to reconnect with our loved ones.

I genuinely enjoy these visits. After all, there's a unique ease in slipping into someone else's life and community, even just temporarily.

However, instead of exploring exciting hotels and restaurants, we bunk in spare rooms at my in-laws, go grocery shopping, and cook dinner. We even visit the same neighborhood coffee shops year after year.

When we visit my grandpa in Queensland, dinners are at his kitchen table and my kids play in his backyard — a very special place, but not one you'll ever see on a postcard.

The simplicity makes these trips comforting and somewhat affordable, but I can't help but feel a twinge of envy when I overhear other moms at baseball practice planning trips to Disneyland or friends talking about all-inclusive resorts in Mexico.

I find myself conflicted and jealous of their freedom to just get away, because for us, there's no dreamy research phase where we compare resorts, Google local restaurants, or make travel itineraries.

Instead, I plan around the desires and milestones of four generations, and getting away doesn't feel like the break I need.

I hope to create more balance in the future

The privilege to be able to take these international trips is not lost on me, but we've unintentionally created a pattern where our vacations are never really about us.

As my kids grow older, I'd love the opportunity to relax at an all-inclusive resort or go somewhere entirely new on a vacation just for our immediate family.

I dream of a trip filled with novelty, spontaneity, freedom, and a little indulgence — where I can read a book and let my brain switch off from the expectations and logistics that come with visiting family.

I want my kids to explore new languages, count unfamiliar currencies, and taste new cuisines, too.

There's a delicate balance between maintaining strong family bonds and creating our own memories as a family unit, and my heart wants both.