Harriette Cole: What did she mean by her comment about my birthday party?

DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday is coming up, and I would love to celebrate with my friends.

I’ve done my best to come up with affordable, convenient plans in hopes of making things more feasible for my guests.

I reached out to my best friend and asked her what she thought about the restaurant I’d like to go to, and her response was, “You know I have a baby now, but I’ll let you know.”

I wasn’t really sure what to make of this. Does that mean the restaurant is not child-friendly? Or is it too expensive? Or is she not available on that date? I didn’t push or pry, but I do feel offended.

She normally has lavish birthday celebrations, not to mention her birthday lands on New Year’s Eve, which automatically makes it way more expensive.

Is it too much to ask for her to reciprocate when my birthday comes around?

— Birthday Blues

DEAR BIRTHDAY BLUES: Go back to your friend and ask her what her comment meant.

Be direct. Tell her you want to figure out a way to celebrate your big day and you want her help. You can point out that she always throws lavish parties, but you want to do something more modest so that everyone can participate. Ask for her input.

Know, too, that when people have young children, their priorities often change dramatically. She may not realize how disconnected she is from you at this moment. Ask her to pay attention to your needs for a moment. Hopefully she will.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister has been living with me for the past 12 years, ever since she and her husband separated.

At first, we were angry with him for how he treated her, but after living with her, my thoughts have changed.

I’ve tried to correct her bad habits and set boundaries to keep my family comfortable, but she doesn’t respect me or my rules. She doesn’t contribute anything toward the household needs; she is often disrespectful to me and my husband; and the other day when I told her enough is enough, she told me that I owe her because she paid for my schooling when we were growing up … 40 years ago! Can you imagine that?

She isn’t working right now, so I feel bad putting her out, but I cannot keep sacrificing my peace. Any suggestions?

— Paying My Dues

DEAR PAYING MY DUES: It is time for what some folks call a “come to Jesus” chat with your sister.

Explain to her that because she is your sister and she was in need, you took her in 12 years ago to make sure she was safe. While you have no desire to keep score on who has done what, this is a fact. Acknowledge that she was helpful to you in the past, including paying for your education, and tell her you are grateful.

Now your family needs peace, and she refuses to do some basic things that you need to create a peaceful environment. Ask her once again to curb her behavior. If she does not or cannot comply, give her a deadline for moving out.

Perhaps there is another family member she can move in with. If not, she may need to look at public housing. There is always a way, even if it’s awkward.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.