‘How do you cope with death sentence?’ – England cricket icon David Lawrence reveals ‘torture’ of slow decline with MND
DAVID LAWRENCE knows he is going to die. He does not know when, but he knows it will be soon.
Last year, when Lawrence received a shattering diagnosis of incurable Motor Neurone Disease, his life was heartbreakingly changed. And shortened.
Former England fast bowler Lawrence – known throughout cricket as ‘Syd’ – is confronting his illness with remarkable positivity and stoicism.
He even says he is lucky in some ways because of the support of his wife Gaynor and son Buster.
Yet the impact has transformed his very existence.
Lawrence, 61, has been one of cricket’s great characters – a heart-on-the-sleeve speedster and an extrovert with a booming voice.
Now he has written a book in which he recalls how a broken kneecap ended his England career, being the last bowler to dismiss his hero Viv Richards in Test cricket and his subsequent careers as nightclub owner and bodybuilder.
Most of all, though, it is about his MND. It is emotional, inspiring and tough to read at times.
Lawrence writes: “My physical deterioration over a number of months has been a painful experience. I have got weaker and weaker and can do less and less.
“First, it was the removal of the ability to move myself from one place to another, then it was things like being able to wash and use the toilet.
“The ability to hold a knife and fork and bring food and drink to my mouth then started to wobble until it became impossible.
“Holding the TV remote control was another small thing that gave me some independence and now that has gone, too.
“I needed some help getting extra oxygen into my lungs at night, so I had a machine to help me with that. I now require that help during the day, too.
“I knew this is what I had to look forward to, but the reality is far more painful than I imagined.
“My voice has got so weak now that it is all but gone. I am having to use the automated voice bank that I programmed a few months ago when I was still strong enough to say words clearly and with a bit of volume.
“The computer is operated by a screen in front of my face and it tracks my eyes so that the cursor moves as I look across the keyboard and I can spell out the words that I wish to say.
“Once I have my sentence completed, then it speaks it out loud for me, in my voice. It is a very clever bit of kit. I can also use it to send messages directly on WhatsApp, which has given me back some independence when it comes to communicating with friends.
“When it comes to the loss of my voice, I knew this would happen. But it has been quicker than I expected. This disease has no class. It has no empathy.
“Bit by bit, I’m being stripped back. But what can I do?
“My real concern now is swallowing, which has become harder and harder as the muscles around my throat have become weaker. Even the act of taking on water is not straightforward. Swallowing, like breathing, is a fundamental part of living.
“This is where the disease leads. Losing my ability to walk seemed like the worst thing. I initially thought I could take up something like wheelchair rugby. Maybe even the Paralympics.
“But, after the diagnosis, I realised I wouldn’t be able to stop the disease from attacking other parts of my body until nothing worked any more.
“Watching the continued slide is so hard for those closest to you. I wish I could just give Gaynor a big bear hug and tell her it will be OK. I can’t put my arms around her and show her how much I love her.
“I am feeling hopeful I still have enough time to enjoy this summer because the cricket season brings the weather I love.”
Lawrence lost the use of his legs last year and spent weeks in hospital undergoing tests before MND was confirmed.
He added: “All I could think of were images of the former rugby league star Rob Burrow and how he was at the end. A fraction of the size that he used to be. Unable to talk, move or express himself beyond a computer.
“How do you cope with what is effectively a death sentence?”
**In Syd’s Voice – The Extraordinary Life of Dave Lawrence is published on Thursday.
A minimum of £0.50, evenly split between the MND Association and the Cricketers’ Trust, will be donated for every copy sold.