There Are 4 Types Of 'Emotionally Immature' Parent – Here's How To Spot Them

A psychologist has opened up about the four types of ‘emotionally immature parent’ – and it’s proven to be an eye- (or should we say, ear-) opening listen. 

Dr Lindsay Gibson, a clinical psychologist, sat down with journalist Tamsen Fadal to discuss ‘emotionally immature parents’ – and the four “types” she’s identified.

What are emotionally immature parents?

There are a few definitions knocking around. The American Psychological Association describes emotional immaturity as “a tendency to express emotions without restraint or disproportionately to the situation”.

‘Emotionally immature parents’ don’t recognise their struggles with emotion regulation, which has a knock-on effect on their children well into adulthood – and can make it hard to maintain relationships with them.

They might find it difficult to manage stress, or display extreme and inconsistent behaviour. 

Yet this immaturity often comes from a place of trauma experienced by the parent. As relationship coach Annie Tanasugarn explains for Psychology Today: “When a parent is emotionally immature, they are often parenting from a place of their own attachment trauma, early abuse, or rejecting parents.

“Many emotionally immature parents don’t ‘evolve’ past their own childlike needs and self-centredness, often because they themselves were abused or neglected in their childhood.”

What are the four ‘types’ of emotionally immature parent?

Dr Gibson, who has written a book called Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents, shared on The Tamsen Show how emotionally immature parents can shape their child’s confidence, relationships and the way they see themselves – even in adulthood. 

Here are the four types of emotionally immature parent she’s identified:

1. The emotional parent

Dr Gibson defined these as the “people that we walk on eggshells around”.

“Children grow up in these households and everybody is about ‘don’t make dad mad’ and ‘don’t say that to mum’ ... Everybody is tiptoeing around that parent’s inability to stabilise their own emotional state,” she explained.

2. The driven parent

This type of parent is very “goal-oriented”, said Dr Gibson, adding that they “get their kids to the best schools ... because they are so driven to have things be accomplished”.

But she suggested that “this isn’t the kind of parent that would sit down with a child and say ‘honey, what’s wrong?’” if they spot their child is struggling, and added they’re “looking for the problem to solve” and “not looking for the heart to listen to”. 

3. The rejecting parent

Dr Gibson suggested that with these parents, “you get the feeling they would be just fine if they didn’t have kids”.

She gave the example of a client who said her dad would arrive home and she would run to meet him and “felt like she was throwing herself against a locked door”.

“It’s just that refusal to engage,” added the psychologist.

4. The passive parent

Lastly, Dr Gibson said with passive parents – who “look like they’re fine” because they comfort their kids, and are emotionally and physically there for them – “their immaturity comes through in that they don’t really see themselves as a fellow adult with any authority”.

“They act like one of the kids,” she added, going on to claim “they don’t protect kids, they don’t step in” and they may “recruit” the child to confront the other parent. 

If you recognise these characteristics in your own parents, or yourself, therapy might help, suggests Verywell Mind, which adds it’s certainly possible to “break the cycle”.