Harriette Cole: My mom and I are offended by the birthday party snub
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is celebrating her son’s first birthday soon!
We are all excited to be there for him, but it seems like my friend left a few people off of her guest list — my mom being one of those people.
We have been best friends since we were 13. Our parents are close, and my mom is always there to support her for special occasions (graduations, birthdays, her wedding, etc.).
This time, it seems like my mom didn’t even cross her mind. My mom and I were offended. It feels inconsiderate.
Should I say something or focus on the birthday boy, despite my mom’s feelings?
— Family Friends
DEAR FAMILY FRIENDS: You should definitely speak to your friend. Assume that it was an oversight.
Tell her that you noticed that your mom was not invited to the party. Ask if this was intentional. If she says yes, ask her why. Find out what reason she could possibly have for not including your mother, given her involvement in your friend’s life. Tell her your mother’s feelings are hurt, and ask her to reconsider.
Is it possible that your friend just assumed you would bring your mom? Chances are, it was an honest mistake, and she will immediately extend an invitation to your mom. If so, suggest that she take another look at her whole list to make sure she didn’t exclude anyone else by mistake.
DEAR HARRIETTE: About a year ago, I left college. I didn’t complete my four-year program, so I didn’t earn a degree.
Since I’ve been back home with my mom, my two older sisters — both at least 10 years older — keep asking questions about why I dropped out and what I plan to do next, and it’s so frustrating.
I am trying to figure out what is best for me right now, but I can barely think clearly because my sisters are always badgering me with their own ideas.
I know I’ve been a bit slow to act, but I just wish they would back off.
How can I get them to realize I’m an adult now?
— Figuring It Out
DEAR FIGURING IT OUT: Your sisters sound like they mean well, even as they are suffocating you. They want to make sure that you succeed.
Since you didn’t finish school and haven’t figured out a way forward, they are worried about you. They also do not want you to become a burden on your mother since you are back at home living with her.
Ask them to stop badgering you. You need space to plot out your life.
Give yourself a schedule so that you are disciplined about your next steps. In the short term, what type of job can you get to help pay the bills and make yourself independent? In the longer term, what fields of work interest you? What were you studying in school? What types of jobs have you had in the past? What sparks your interest? Pay attention so that you can figure out which direction is of interest to you.
If you are open to it, you could ask them to brainstorm with you occasionally. They know you, so they should have a sense of what you are good at. Rather than grilling you, maybe they could work together with you to dream up ideas for your future and possibly come up with something worth following up on.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.