Michelle Obama tells parents they must get tougher on kids' social media use despite the 'pain'

Former first lady Michelle Obama urged parents to get "tougher" on their kids' social media use during the Wednesday episode of her podcast, "IMO with Michelle Obama & Craig Robinson."

Obama spoke with social psychologist and author Jonathan Haidt about his 2024 book, "The Anxious Generation," in which Haidt argues that extensive social media and smartphone use have harmful effects on children's brains and well-being. Kids who grew up with a "phone-based childhood" are more likely to encounter anxiety, depression and other mental health issues, he says.

During the hour-long discussion, Haidt talked about how social media rewires the brain by stimulating the release of the "reward" brain chemical, dopamine, which fuels an addiction to social media. 

Obama said that parents need to realize that making tough parenting decisions on things like social media will lead to long-term benefits for their child, even though giving in to their kids' wants, or their own social media fixation, may be tempting in the moment.

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"Parents suffer from this dopamine thing too when it comes to parenting. Because we want instant reward response from our children. We don't want to wait. We don't want to do the longer-haul thing. You know, a lot of times we have to ask ourselves, ‘Are we doing this for our kids, or are we doing this for us?’ Because we have the screen too," she said.

"And we're being trained on that instant gratification. Maybe the 90-minute story is a problem for us, because we can't sit still. The bottom line is that we've got to get tougher. We've got to get more resilient for our kids. Because I know time and time again that a lot of parents do what's easy for them, you know, and not necessarily what's best for the kid," she continued.

Obama told parents there would be "parental pain" that comes with this tough-love approach.

"We have to become a little more resilient as parents. We have to become tougher for the sake of our kids… It's not fun. All of it is going to be really, really hard, physically, emotionally, one of the toughest things you do," she warned.

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"You will be disappointing them, and scaring them and making them hurt and arguing with them and doing all the things that you don't want to do with your best friends. But in the end, as parents, we are responsible for securing the safety and the health of the children we bring into this world. And that means, once we know that something isn't good for them… we've got to do the hard thing, we've got to take the substance from the addict," she said. 

"And it's not going to be fun," she added.

Obama also told parents they shouldn't try to be "friends" with their kids.