9 Parenting Rules People Secretly Think Are 'Emotionally Damaging'
We’ve written before about how smacking can be harmful to a child’s development – in recent times, a spotlight has been shone on how verbal abuse can also leave “lifelong psychological scars”.
But what about the harm felt by more subtle parenting techniques or behaviours – especially those that were more common in the past, but may still be prevalent today?
People have opened up about the parenting rules and tactics, many of which they experienced growing up, that they believe are “emotionally damaging”.
Taking to r/AskReddit, monkeeeangry asked: “What’s one ‘normal’ parenting rule you secretly think is emotionally damaging AF?”
Here’s what people had to say...
1. “Constant teasing.”
“My dad and brother were horrible for it. Not mean necessarily but just constant. I think that’s why I try not to show emotion about anything.”
2. “My parents really normalised getting disproportionately angry at every minor inconvenience.
“I was well into my twenties before I realised that rage was not a normal way to respond to things I didn’t like.”
3. “Please don’t insult or compare your kids with others.”
“Not all are the same and this hurts more in the long run.”
“This is such a big one. When I was 4 my mom took me out of ballet because she said I was so bad at it and it embarrassed her. Then she spent all of elementary school comparing my normal kid play dancing to one of my schoolmates ... It made me feel so awful and took all the joy out of any type of dancing for me.”
4. “Parents getting annoyed at their child having emotions that aren’t favourable.”
5. “Not letting them do messy activities or shouting because their clothes got dirty...”
“Like damn why go to a beach with a kid then shout if they get sand in their shoes etc.”
6. “Silent treatment.”
“Oof. My mom did this when I was growing up— she would get pissed about something but not tell anyone what it was and would just walk around fuming. Rage cleaning or cooking was a telltale sign. So we would just walk around on eggshells until she got over it or finally boiled over and yelled at us all about it.”
7. “Being dismissive of their children’s interests.”
“For example, telling your kid that their favourite group isn’t “real music” or that their favourite cartoon is obnoxious. Every generation of kids had trends/fads/media that their parents just didn’t get. Break the cycle by tolerating anything that isn’t actively harmful or dangerous.”
8. “Not setting (and enforcing) boundaries around your kid’s behaviour.”
“Not only will these kids behave horribly all the time, but they’ll miss out on years of quality early friendships and relationship skills which develops into worse friends, insecurity, and poor impulse control later on in life.”
9. “Giving them no privacy.”
“Going through their rooms, journals, tablet, phone, car, etc. Unless there’s a legitimate concern, let them be themselves and have things only for them. They’re human too.