I'm A Child Psychiatrist – Don't Make This 1 Mistake When Talking To Teens
Raising teens can be a bit of a minefield – where once your sweet, adoring child worshipped the ground you walked on, all of a sudden they simply don’t want to know.
You might be facing more arguments, major mood and sleep changes, as well as having to become a full-time translator while your kid keeps calling everyone “chat”.
But there is one innocent mistake parents might be making in the teenage years, according to a child psychiatrist – especially if you want them to be able to open up to you.
Child psychiatrist Dr Willough Jenkins said in a TikTok video that it “might sting a little” for parents to hear, but she wants everyone to know: “If you’re doing most of the talking, you’re probably not having a conversation with your teen... that’s called a lecture.
“You want them talking more than you. That’s how you learn what they’re really thinking, and how they learn that you’re really listening.”
Her advice to facilitate more conversations with teens is simple: “Start with a question. Then pause. And really listen.”
In a separate video, the psychiatrist said one of the things that makes a successful parent is “listening more than lecturing”.
She also suggested “staying calm when things go wrong”, “repairing after you mess up” and “setting boundaries with love, not fear” are “what real success looks like”.
Therapists previously told HuffPost UK that creating a space that feels emotionally safe and low-pressured is important to help teens open up – especially if you think they might be struggling mentally.
Make conversation by asking open-ended and emotionally neutral questions and statements. You could say something like: “How’s everything going lately?” or “How are things feeling for you at school/with friends/life right now?”.
And then really listen.
BACP-accredited therapist Lauren Young also suggested resisting the urge to fix everything for teens and instead, validating their feelings and thanking them for trusting you if they come to you with a problem.
All of this can help teenagers know that you’re there for them. As BACP-accredited member and psychotherapist Debbie Keenan told us: “Sometimes, the goal isn’t to get your teen to ‘open up’ immediately, but to remind them that they’re not alone, that emotions are valid, and that you’re a reliable presence in their life.
“Trust is built in the quiet, everyday moments, often more than in the big talks.”