Love Lives In Looking Up – OpEd
Something breaks when families sit together yet live apart. Parents scroll through phones while children vanish into tablets. Everyone shares one table but inhabits separate worlds. We have normalized this isolation. We barely notice it anymore. But this quiet fracture threatens everything that makes us human.
Modern life pulls families in countless directions at once. We manage complex schedules with impressive efficiency. Yet we struggle to find fifteen minutes for real conversation. Research shows families now spend more time on individual devices than talking face-to-face. This pattern has only intensified since the pandemic. The numbers tell a troubling story about what we are losing.
When families become mere coordination centres, children miss something crucial. They don’t see how to navigate conflict with grace. They don’t learn to express vulnerability safely. They don’t witness what authentic support looks like. The alarming rise in youth anxiety and depression connects directly to this loss. Our children are drowning in connection yet starving for genuine relationship.
The solution doesn’t require rejecting modern life entirely. It requires recovering an ancient wisdom instead. Our closest relationships deserve our most careful attention. We pour energy into careers and hobbies and social media. Yet we often give our families only the scraps left over. This ordering makes no sense when we examine it honestly.
Real change starts with small, deliberate choices that shift everything. Consider device-free meals where everyone stays truly present. Even fifteen focused minutes strengthen bonds more than hours of distracted coexistence. Try weekly check-ins where family members share both struggles and celebrations. Create sacred spaces where phones simply don’t belong. These practices sound simple because they are. Simple doesn’t mean easy, though.
One of the most transformative practices involves the daily work of forgiveness. Research confirms that families who regularly practice forgiveness report significantly higher satisfaction. They experience measurably lower stress levels. For Catholic families, this connects to the very heart of the Gospel. We are people formed by mercy. Our homes should reflect that identity.
One family developed an evening practice before bedtime. Each member briefly shares any hurts from the day. They offer apologies where needed and receive them with grace. The father admits it felt awkward at first. Now it has transformed how they relate to one another. His children come to him when he has hurt them instead of withdrawing. They have given each other permission to be honest and experience grace. This is what domestic church looks like in practice.
These approaches must acknowledge the real constraints families face. Single parents juggling multiple jobs need realistic strategies. Families dealing with financial crisis can’t follow idealized templates. Those managing mental health challenges require flexibility and compassion. The goal isn’t perfection, which doesn’t exist anywhere. The goal is families committed to growing together through inevitable struggles.
Connection might happen in the car between activities. It might mean ten minutes of bedtime conversation instead of elaborate family meetings. The specific methods matter far less than the underlying commitment. Choose to prioritize relationships over mere logistics. Choose presence over productivity. Choose love over convenience.
We must also acknowledge clearly that addiction, abuse, or untreated mental illness require professional help. The Church’s call to honour family life never means tolerating genuinely harmful situations. Protecting the vulnerable always takes precedence.
Today’s families actually possess advantages previous generations lacked. Many parents communicate more openly about emotions and mental health now. Families have often moved beyond rigid hierarchies toward collaborative decision-making. The challenge involves building on these strengths while addressing new obstacles. We don’t need to return to some imagined golden age. We need to create something new that honours what is best.
When families successfully cultivate intentional connection, everyone benefits. Children who experience secure, thoughtful love become adults equipped to build healthy relationships. Parents who model respectful conflict resolution contribute to societies marked by healing. The Church has always taught that family is society’s fundamental cell. When families fragment, everything downstream suffers badly. When families flourish, they become sources of grace everywhere.
The screens illuminating our dinner tables need not represent inevitable disconnection. They can remind us to make conscious choices instead. When to engage with devices. When to engage with each other. In choosing to look up and truly see the people sharing our daily lives, we participate in something sacred.
God waits for us in the faces of those we are called to love most deeply. The domestic church—our own imperfect homes—becomes where we first learn to love as we are loved. This work begins today with one radical act. Put down the phone. Look into someone’s eyes. Pay attention to what matters most.