You Might Be ‘Vaguebooking’ Without Even Realising. Here’s What It Says About You.

Celebrities always manage to keep us guessing. Remember when Justin Bieber posted about love and forgiveness, even if he didn’t deserve it? More recently, Britney Spears deleted her Instagram account after several concerning yet vague posts.

It’s not only celebrities who make cryptic posts on social media. A friend might share a photo with the caption, “People forget who was there for them”. Social media researchers call this practice vaguebooking. 

“It’s when someone posts an intentionally vague message on social media that is designed to elicit questions or attention without fully divulging what’s wrong,” said Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist and founder of Comprehend the Mind. “This behaviour is so common, but it’s not the healthiest way of communicating.”  

If you come across these posts, you might wonder if you should respond or keep scrolling. Below, experts discuss the signs of vaguebooking, why people engage in this behaviour, and how to address it. 

There are a few ways to recognise vaguebooking

People commonly share life updates on social media, from birthday celebrations to job losses. An example of vaguebooking is posting a picture of your dog with the caption “prayers needed”. By omitting information about your dog’s condition, you might be hoping for someone to ask what’s wrong.

Similar to sadfishing, vaguebooking involves attention-seeking, but it’s often low on detail and context. “These posts are highly ambiguous yet personal and often occur after a romantic breakup or friendship fallout,” said Jenny Woo, Harvard-trained emotional intelligence researcher and founder/CEO of Mind Brain Emotion.

The person who is vaguebooking may not be comfortable sharing the entire story. So, they’ll hint at a breakup by posting, “I’m done being taken for granted.” Or they’ll use inspirational language to hide an insult, such as “I’m cutting toxic people out of my life because I deserve better,” Woo said. 

Often, these posts leave recipients wondering what happened and how they can help, said Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist, relationship therapist and author at Passionerad. For example, posting, “I will be away for some time, I need it,” could mean that the person is dealing with an illness or taking time to focus on a new business. You can’t tell unless you ask.  

People vaguebook to avoid rejection

Sometimes, people vaguebook because they’re hoping to connect but are afraid of being judged or rejected. According to research, vaguebooking is associated with greater loneliness and participation in online gossip. “Those who are lower in emotional stability or higher in introversion may use vaguebooking to test who cares enough to ask, ‘Are you OK?’” Woo said.

People also vaguebook because they’re trying to reach a specific individual and believe they have no choice but to “triangulate an audience,” Hafeez explained. Triangulation involves bringing a third party into a conflict to ease the tension. In this case, they triangulate other social media users either to gain their support or provoke a reaction from the person who upset them.

Thais Gibson, founder of The Personal Development School, agreed, saying that vaguebooking might be a last resort when you or the post’s intended recipient isn’t willing to speak and resolve your disagreement. Although it’s not a healthy approach, vaguebooking allows you to express hurt feelings indirectly. And, as it turns out, your attachment style influences how you handle conflict. 

It also depends on your attachment style

You may have heard that there are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant (dismissive avoidant), and disorganized (fearful avoidant). “Securely attached individuals are the least likely to vaguebook, because they’re the most equipped to handle conflict directly,” Gibson said. Although they tend to have unhealthy ways of dealing with conflict, people who are fearful avoidant (disorganized) aren’t as likely to turn to social media for support, she said.

Conversely, when anxiously attached individuals don’t receive validation from the person they’re fighting with, they’ll try to get it from other sources, including friends, family, or social media. “They’re looking for closeness and support, but find it difficult to ask for help,” Roos added. 

“Surprisingly, dismissive avoidant (avoidant) is the second most likely attachment style to vaguebook,” Gibson said. Since they find it hard to be vulnerable, they often use passive-aggressive communication. For example, they might post a vengeful song about an ex or make philosophical-sounding comments, like “Whoever is meant to be with you will stay in your life.” 

There’s another reason celebrities specifically vaguebook

“Some celebrities vaguebook to speak their truth without risking a media backlash,” Woo said. Perhaps, they’re expressing regret over something they’ve done or trying to take back control of a narrative that’s been distorted in their eyes. Since celebrities live under constant scrutiny, social media allows them to share while maintaining some level of privacy, Hafeez said. 

Alternatively, they could be speaking to universal themes people can relate to, such as love, forgiveness, loss, and pain. “So, when they post in broad, spiritual, or poetic terms, they can be both vulnerable and seeking connection, without giving up the whole story,” Hafeez said.  

“Other times celebrities may use cryptic posts strategically as emotional clickbait or a cliffhanger to sustain fan engagement and curiosity,” Woo said. Roos agreed, saying that celebrities may use vaguebooking to create a buzz and stay relevant. 

There are tactful ways to respond to vaguebooking

It’s natural to be curious when you come across a cryptic post from someone in your network. “But resist the urge to respond immediately, at least publicly,” Hafeez said. “The post could be a cry for help or an internal monologue they don’t expect anyone to read, or something in between.”

Her advice concerning family and friends was to send them a private message, such as, “Hey, I saw your post, and I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.” This is a non-intrusive way to validate them and give them space to share if they wish. People generally feel more supported when others communicate directly as opposed to commenting on a public thread, Gibson added. 

“If it’s someone you’re not that close to, it’s OK to just read it and move on,” Hafeez said. “Not every post is an invitation to be involved or invested.” Roos agreed, saying that it’s all right not to respond, but if you suspect the post is about you, it’s best to reach out to them directly.

Approaching conflict head-on creates strong ties in relationships. Gibson suggested saying, “Hey, I get the sense that some of these posts are about me. I could be wrong, but I hope that you would talk to me directly so we can work through it.” Here, you’re setting a boundary that if there’s an issue, you want to address it one-on-one. 

“If you’re the one who’s vaguebooking, it’s not that you’re doing something really bad,” Gibson said. “You are trying to feel seen, heard, and cared for. Those are all human needs.” Talking to a trusted individual, like a therapist, can help you find more direct and honest ways of expressing your needs besides airing them on social media.