If someone’s always late, is it time blindness, or are they just being rude?

By ALBERT STUMM

Even as a kid, Alice Lovatt was always getting in trouble for being late.

She was often embarrassed after letting down friends for her tardiness, and she was routinely stressed about arriving at school on time.

“I just don’t seem to have that clock that ticks by in my head,” said Lovatt, a musician and group-home worker in Liverpool, England.

It wasn’t until she was diagnosed with ADHD at 22 that she learned she was experiencing a symptom sometimes called “time blindness.”

Russell Barkley, a retired clinical neuropsychologist at the University of Massachusetts, is often credited with linking time impairment with people with ADHD or autism. In 1997, he called it “temporal myopia.”

But recently, time blindness has sparked a social media debate: Where is the line between a genuine condition and someone who is disorganized or just plain rude?

When arriving late means more

Time blindness is the inability to determine how long a task will take or conceptualize how much time has passed. It relates to executive function that occurs in the frontal lobes of the brain, and it is a well-documented characteristic of many people with ADHD, said Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist in Tampa Bay, Florida.

“Anyone can have issues with running late, just with ADHD there’s functional impairment,” said Sarkis, author of “10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD.” “It impacts family life and social life. It impacts work, money management, all areas of life.”

Sarkis said if a person’s chronic tardiness is “one star in the constellation of symptoms,” then it could be evidence of a treatable disorder. She cited research that stimulant medication prescribed for other ADHD symptoms, such as inattention or restlessness, is also effective at treating time blindness.

That’s not to say, however, that everyone who is chronically late has ADHD — or a built-in excuse.

Consider the reason for being late

Jeffrey Meltzer, a therapist in Bradenton, Florida, counsels people who never show up on time to examine the core issue behind their lateness.

Some people who hate small talk fear arriving early, which could point to anxiety as the underlying issue, Meltzer said. Others may feel they don’t have much control over their lives, so they try to reclaim a few minutes from responsibilities.

“It’s the same psychology concept behind revenge bedtime procrastination,” he said, referring to the urge one may have to stay up later to recoup personal time after a busy day.

In those cases, one tool is to create a small “coping card” to refer to regularly, he said. After determining a reason for chronic lateness, take an index card and write down a reframed thought about that reason and a consequence of being late.

For instance, on one side write, “Attending this meeting doesn’t mean that I lose my freedom.” On the other side, write: “Being late again will upset people at work.”

Meltzer said the hardest reason to change the habit would be something that early-arrivers often attribute to late-comers — a sense of entitlement. People who feel their time is more important than others’ time may give themselves permission to be late.

But Meltzer said those people would also exhibit entitlement in other areas, such as parking in a spot designated for people with disabilities or tending to make a grand entrance at an event.

“Maybe they’re 20, 30 minutes late, and it’s like, ‘Oh, look who is here,’” he said. “So it’s a way to kind of get attention.”

What to do about it

Whether a person has ADHD or not, they’re still responsible for their actions, said Sarkis, who was also diagnosed as an adult and struggles with managing time.

The good news is that the same interventions that help people with ADHD can work for all late-arrivers.

Sarkis said using a smart watch to set alerts can help with knowing when you need to leave, although having analog clocks around also helps. Relying only on your phone to see the time creates more distractions.

She also suggested breaking tasks down into a checklist of smaller parts and resisting the urge to cram too many activities into one day.

Lovatt has learned to give herself much more time than she thinks she needs. She also uses Forest, a time management app, and another app to lock herself out of other apps on her phone to help keep track of time while concentrating.

Particularly helpful has been making granular lists of how long things take. Getting out the door in the morning felt like it took 20 minutes until Lovatt listed every step from bed to door.

“Walk downstairs, one minute. Find shoes, one minute. And I had a list that was a whole page long of literally walking between rooms,” she said.

She learned it instead took 45 minutes.

“It doesn’t work, like, 100% of the time. But generally, I am a lot more reliable now.”

Albert Stumm writes about food, travel and wellness. Find his work at https://www.albertstumm.com.