“Am I just a monster?”: Dad admits, unprompted, that his “blood starts to boil” if he has to spend over 10 minutes with his kids
A working dad faced severe backlash after admitting online that he can hardly stand to spend more than 10 minutes a day with his kids. He kicked off the weekend X post by asking if he's a monster, and while some worked to soothe the man's feelings, the resounding answer from many was a hearty "yes."
He appeared to take the feedback in stride, but past posts dug up by other users paint a picture of what a sexist society does to a man.
10 minutes until the kids boil his blood
On Saturday, writer and creative director of a blockchain company Justin Murphy (@jmrphy) admitted something that many other parents wouldn't confess under torture. Though he said he lives a "picturesque" lifestyle and felt rested from the holidays, he still couldn't enjoy playing catch with his four-year-old son.
"It's been 4 years since I became a father and I'm beginning to fear for my soul," he began. "The truth is I just don't like being around kids for very long. Historically, this is not uncommon among fathers, but today it feels almost illegal."
In the recent history of certain nations, dads have indeed tended to neglect their children. It's definitely not anywhere close to "illegal," but these days, some folks have a lot less patience for men who choose to become fathers only to leave all the parenting to their wives.
They've got more important things to do, like coming up with reasons why the social order that benefits them is good and "natural," actually. After all, 10 minutes a day is a lot more minutes when you add them up into several days.
"The ideal amount of time I would like to spend playing with my kids is probably about 70-140 minutes a week—roughly ten minutes each day," Murphy continued. "My feelings of love toward them are perfectly strong, but if I have to watch them or entertain them for more than about 10 minutes my blood starts to boil."
"I just want to be working, or accomplishing something."
His young son had to repeatedly beg his father to play catch with him on Saturday morning. While Murphy eventually did, he spend the whole time wishing he was back inside drinking coffee "in peace."
"Imagine if a mom said this??"
While Murphy expressed guilt and anxiety over these feelings, he continued to grasp at excuses for why it's fine.
"Am I a terrible person?" he asked. "Or is my feeling within a certain range of historically normal and it's modern parenting norms that are off?"
Many fellow X users came along to explain that it is not, in fact, "normal" to decide to have kids and then only want to spent a few minutes with them each day. Even the more traditional types balked at this idea.
"No, it’s not normal for your 'blood to boil' after spending ten minutes with your toddler who just wants to play catch with you," wrote excessively Catholic account @CatholicCharm. "I hate to pull the double standard card but imagine if a mom said this??"
The double standard could not be more apparent alongside recent discourse.
"Cards on the table, it is at least a little radicalizing watching a mom get lambasted for letting her baby have a rough night with dad on duty so she can get some sleep, and then a dad gets the soft touch when he says his blood boils if he spends >10 minutes with his children," said @webdevMason.
Even the "God & Country" account @SWENGDAD tore into this guy.
"Yes you're a terrible person," they declared. "Since you asked so many times, I'll tell you. It's not 'parenting norms' that are wrong. It's you. You have a dopamine addiction and as a result allow yourself to become enraged like a toddler whenever your whims aren't being worshipped [sic]."
Word about the 10-minute dad soon spread far enough to kick off a round of memes about him.
10-minute dad responds with lessons learned
On Sunday, Murphy responded to the backlash with a somewhat contrite post calling at least some of it "fair" and "illuminating." He took the thousands of comments and quote tweets and organized them into three main points.
- He likely has both a "dopamine issue" and a "phone problem," and got depressed when he took the holidays off.
- He should be waking up early each day with his wife and kids.
- It's "unmanly" for him to be concerned about his own feelings.
Two of these are fine, while the third is a disaster, especially paired with his remarks on therapy.
"Many say I need a therapist but in fact this is obviously way better than a therapist," he claimed. "Brutal, quick, concise, and free—you feel it in your bones when a hater is correct, and just ignore it when they're not."
Men would rather get roasted to the bone online and become an emotionless zombie than go to therapy to figure out why he doesn't think spending time with his kids is "accomplishing something."
Critics discover his in old posts
Following this response, certain X users began to dig through his past posts, and they didn't have to go back far to discover what may be the real issue here. One day before the post asking if society is wrong for expecting him to spend time with his kids, Murphy pushed the idea that gaining rights made women miserable.
"Women have become less happy since their liberation," he said, claiming he "crunched the numbers" that morning instead of playing catch with his kids.
Someone else found a particularly illuminating Murphy post from 2020.
"Another reason I want a baby is because I need some pro-social cover for my increasing drive to get rich," it reads. "A childless man with hunger for money is seen as an evil man, but a father with hunger for money is seen as a good man."
Popular user @nhoodpublicist summed up the issue with an old post of her own.
"When women realize that most men want kids in the same way that a 6 year old wants a puppy, some of this sh*t will be nipped in the bud."
The Daily Dot has reached out to @jmrphy for comment via X.
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