Dear Abby: How can I make my parents put down their phones and be in the world?
DEAR ABBY: My young daughter and I had the pleasure of spending three months with my parents while my husband was deployed.
We had a lovely visit, but over the course of our stay, I noticed my parents were spending more time on their phones than previously. Both are retired and in their mid-60s.
I’m glad they are keeping up with technology, but I’m also concerned that their phone use may have a negative impact on their social health, behavioral health and mental acuity as they age.
Growing up, we never had the TV or computers in our main living space, and screen time was limited. We ate dinner together every night, and socialization and conversation was an expectation.
During my stay, my parents brought their phones to the dinner table and grabbed them midmeal to answer messages or search things on the internet. Throughout the days, I’d look up from what I was doing and see them glued to their screens.
This new behavior is so different from the way they raised me. How can I speak to them about my concerns and encourage them to consider decreasing their phone usage?
— NOTICED THE CHANGE IN WASHINGTON
DEAR NOTICED: Yes, many things have changed since the time when you were raised. But if you think the day has arrived for you to parent your parents, forget about it. It not only won’t work, but it could also cause resentment because they are adults and not impressionable teenagers being educated about social interaction.
DEAR ABBY: My college roommate and I used to be close friends. I always thought he was a little bit arrogant. When I caught him getting upset that a girl liked me and not him, I realized he has always been about comparing and competing.
At age 30, after we ended up working for the same company, we had a falling-out. I’m sure he has his complaints about me, but I am no longer interested in being his friend.
We’re 36 now and still involved in the same fantasy football league, so we see each other from time to time. We’re generally civil to each other, especially for the sake of the league.
Well, he now wants to rekindle the friendship and keeps asking me to hang out. I’ve made excuses so far, and I wish he would take a hint, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to eventually tell him (again) that I’m not interested in hanging out.
I don’t want to hurt his feelings any more than I have to. Please help.
— NOT FEELING IT IN KANSAS
DEAR NOT FEELING IT: You are not obligated to have anything more to do with this person than you wish.
If the only time the two of you interact is during the fantasy football season, he shouldn’t be too hard to avoid. When he asks to hang out, continue doing what you have been, which is to say you are busy. Eventually, he may take the hint.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.