Harriette Cole: My face wasn’t right for days, and I want to confront my friend about it
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently received a facial from one of my friends, who works at a spa. Everything went smoothly initially, but the next day I woke up and my skin was dry and peeling.
I called her and asked what was happening to my skin. She asked what I had used on my skin the previous night, and I told her my nightly skin care routine, which includes retinols. When I told her this, she said that I wasn’t supposed to use a retinol.
She never told me this information, and now I’m upset with her. I feel like she should have gone over what I should use afterward, especially since she knows I’m not a skin care expert and I trusted her professionally. My face was in pain, and it took days to calm down.
On top of that, I feel awkward because this is my friend, not just some random aesthetician I could complain to without it affecting our relationship. I don’t know if I should confront her more seriously, ask for compensation or let it go for the sake of the friendship. Part of me worries I’ll sound dramatic, but another part feels like she was irresponsible and should be held accountable.
Am I overreacting? How do I address this without either ruining our friendship or minimizing what happened to me?
— Bad Service
DEAR BAD SERVICE: As a friend and a client, you should give your friend feedback on her service, including her egregious error in not instructing you on how to care for your skin after a facial. Review with her what happened to you in the ensuing days and how disappointed you are in how she handled it.
You can ask her how she handles such situations with clients and leave it up to her to take the next steps. If she doesn’t make good on this mistake, don’t go to her spa again.
DEAR HARRIETTE: For years, I used food as a coping mechanism. Whenever I was sad, stressed or heartbroken, I would overeat.
I worked hard to break that habit, and I’m proud to say I have a much healthier relationship with food now.
Lately, I’ve noticed that when I’m feeling low, I end up spending lots of money on clothes, shoes and little “treats” I convince myself I deserve. I feel happy in the moment, but afterward I usually feel stressed and disappointed in how much money I’ve spent. I’ve heard people joke about retail therapy, but I’m starting to worry this might be problematic.
Is it possible to be addicted to shopping the same way people get addicted to food or alcohol? I don’t want to keep swapping out unhealthy habits. How do I get a better handle on my emotions so that I don’t turn to impulsive and irrational behavior for comfort?
— Retail Therapy
DEAR RETAIL THERAPY: The good news is that you see the pattern for yourself. Yes, shopping can be just as problematic as eating or drinking. If you have an addictive personality, you may be able to notice similar behavior in all kinds of activities, including playing video games, scrolling social media or binge-watching TV shows.
Now that you’ve noticed it, do something about it: Get a therapist who can help you unpack your behavior and its root cause(s).
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.