Harriette Cole: I wish I was wrong, but it’s obvious what my friend is doing
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am at my wit’s end with one of my friends.
I consider him a close friend, and he often acts differently when we’re around new or less-familiar friends. Sometimes he’ll make me the butt of all his jokes or leave me out of things we’d normally do together.
For a while, I tried to convince myself that I was overreacting or even misinterpreting things, but unfortunately, I don’t think I am.
When it’s just the two of us, we have a great time, but in larger groups, it feels like he prefers that I am the outcast and he is the center of attention.
The final straw was last week when we went out with some of his new colleagues. Upon arrival, he didn’t introduce me to anyone, so I had to make my rounds solo. When he did finally acknowledge me, he was either interrupting me or exaggerating old, embarrassing stories that new people didn’t need to hear.
I tried talking to him about it that night, but he told me I was making something out of nothing.
Should I bring it up again or trust my gut and create some distance?
— Two Faces
DEAR TWO FACES: This person is not acting like a friend. Call him on it. Give specific examples and ask him to explain himself.
Tell him that if he cannot treat you with respect, you have no more time for him.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My son told me that he’s in need of a laptop, as his old one broke down on him. I asked what was keeping him from getting a new one, and he shared that he didn’t want to overspend without saving up a bit longer.
A couple of weeks went by, and I decided to give him more than half of the cost of the computer he wanted. I told him that I was giving him this money specifically for a laptop. It did not need to be the exact model he originally showed me; it could be more or less expensive — totally up to him — but I wanted to help him specifically with his computer because I knew that would be a huge weight off his shoulders.
It’s been almost three months, and he still hasn’t gotten a laptop, but he’s been shopping and going out more often. I don’t want to control my son’s spending, but I wonder if the money I gave him has gone to waste.
I’d hate to think that he had taken advantage of my generosity. Am I wrong for wanting to know what he’s done with the money?
— No Good Deed
DEAR NO GOOD DEED: It’s OK to confront your son about the computer. Ask him why he hasn’t purchased it yet. Listen for his answer.
Note that you have seen him spending money more freely of late, and it makes you wonder if he used the money you gave him for a different purpose. Again, listen and learn.
In the future, if you want your son to use money in a specific way, keep control over it. For example, you could have gone with him to the computer store and paid them instead of him. Otherwise, you’ll have to let him make his own mistakes and learn from them. Either way, there will be lessons learned.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.