Kids Might Be Seeing Minneapolis Shooting Videos. Here's How To Talk To Them About It

The world was left reeling yet again after intensive nurse Alex Pretti, 37, was shot dead by federal immigration agents in Minneapolis over the weekend.

Video footage and screenshots of the horrific event have been shared on TV, as well as on social media – and even with the Online Safety Act aiming to shield children from violent content, some young people will still be coming across it.

It comes just weeks after Renee Good, a mum-of-three, also 37, was shot dead by an immigration agent in the same city.

It’s been hard to witness as an adult. But for children, exposure to real-world incidents like this can heighten stress and anxiety; trigger feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and loss of control; and provoke panic, Fiona Yassin, family psychotherapist, and founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic, told HuffPost UK.

“All violent content can be troubling to children, but real-world incidents have a distinctly different psychological impact,” she explained.

“Families have a really important role to play in managing the stress, fear and panic that can arise after children or young people witness violence.”

While the events have taken place across the pond, the internet can make it feel much closer to home. Some children will have relatives in the affected areas, and will be worried for them.

It will also be troubling for those – young and old – who are witnessing discrepancies in how US officials describe what happened versus what video footage and witness accounts suggest.

“Children around the world are being impacted in different ways and to different degrees by the reality of what is unfolding globally. For many, this brings fear that it could happen in their own community, to their friends or to their family,” said Yassin.

“In moments like this, children look to the ‘big people’ – the decision-makers, the adults – to understand: How am I protected? How am I going to stay safe? This is why open, age-appropriate dialogue is so important. It allows families to dispel myths, reduce panic, and offer reassurance.”

Yassin notes that in therapy, they are seeing “an increase [among children and young people] in anxiety around violence and a growing sense that the world is unsafe”.

My child has seen a video of the shooting. What do I tell them?

If your child has asked you about the videos or what happened, the therapist’s advice here is to give clear, age-appropriate information using simple language and short sentences, “without becoming alarmist or reinforcing fear”.

“Explore how your child feels: for parents, gentle language and curiosity are key,” she said. “Finding out whether a child has continued thinking about the video, whether it has affected them at school, or whether they are fixating on violence, can offer important clues about how deeply they’ve been impacted.

“Asking about friends’ views and the conversations they’ve had at school can also help parents to understand the social context surrounding their child.”

She urges parents to approach the conversation with gentleness, curiosity and the emotional availability – “not to judge the event itself, but to hold and support the young person with care, love and nurturance, and to help them process what they are experiencing”.

Keep your opinions or beliefs out of it, where possible. Instead, the therapist recommends parents could ask:  How did it make you feel? What stayed with you after watching it? What was it like for that video to appear without you searching for it?

She also stresses the importance of providing emotional safety at home, as when something shocking appears unexpectedly, “it can create disbelief, but also something deeper – a sense that safety, certainty and trust in the world have been pulled away”.

“For children who’ve been taught values around kindness, restraint and non-violence, it can be deeply unsettling to see those values seemingly ignored or contradicted in society,” she said.

“You can’t control what appears online, but you can create a home environment of stability, care and nurture.”

Try and keep to your typical structure, routine and create a strong sense of safety at home to help retain some predictability during this period of unpredictability.

Signs a child is impacted by what they’ve seen

A child or young person won’t necessarily come up to you and verbalise how they’re feeling, but changes in their behaviour might be a sign that something’s amiss.

“One common sign is repeated exposure-seeking – watching the same video multiple times, searching for similar content, or spending significant time trying to ‘understand’ what happened,” said Yassin.

“This can look like a child moving into a kind of hypervigilance or detective mode. Hypervigilance can be a focus on a physical environment, but it can also centre on a specific topic or event, like a shooting.”

You might also notice changes in their play or interests – they might start playing more violent games, or re-enacting scenes they’ve seen online during play. “These behaviours can be a sign that the child is trying to process something that feels overwhelming,” said the therapist. 

Distress can also show up as intrusive images or flashbacks, including waking at night, nightmares or night terrors. “Some children may become preoccupied with safety – repeatedly checking locks on the doors, windows or cars, or expressing fears that their home is no longer safe,” Yassin continued.

Developmental regressions can also occur, such as needing parents during the night or a return to bed-wetting. Emotionally, they might become more irritable, snappy or show sudden shifts in viewpoint. 

“Tearfulness, heightened emotional reactions, or a strong urge to ‘do something’ for the community can also be indicators of distress,” added the therapist.

“Some children may begin to fear separation from loved ones, even writing goodbye messages to friends or family if they believe something bad is inevitable.”

Other warning signs can include:

• Fear of going to school or leaving the house,

• Anxiety about what might happen next,

• A growing need for predictability and reassurance,

• Requests to use location-sharing on devices,

• Asking big, existential questions such as ‘What would happen if one of you was killed?’ or ‘Who would look after us?’.

Yassin ended that parenting through this time is extremely challenging, and it requires parents to stay present and emotionally available, even when you feel overwhelmed yourself. 

“Being well informed, grounded, and able to listen and respond from a calm, neutral position is critical in supporting children through what they are absorbing,” she ended. 

Help and support:

• Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
• Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
• CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
• The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
• Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.