Woman Worries She Overreacted by Getting Offended Over Insensitive Gift She Received After Her Mother's Sudden Death
A grieving woman is looking for reassurance online after having an emotional reaction to an insensitive gift that she received shortly after her mother died.
Taking to Reddit’s popular “Am I the A—–” forum, a 20-year-old Redditor explained that she’d lost her mother, who she “had a weird relationship with,” about eight months ago.
The death was unexpected, and she wrote that she “did not get to say goodbye,” adding that the missed opportunity “pains [her] every. single. day.”
While she was grateful for her friends, she explained that a birthday gift from a pal really rubbed her the wrong way.
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In her post, the woman explained that she didn’t consider this girl to be a best friend. However, she added, “she’s been an amazing support to me throughout this whole situation with my mom.”
“She always told me I could come to her for anything and would even pull me aside during social events to make sure I was doing okay,” she explained.
The poster explained that a group of friends, including this one, surprised her at her home. While she’d been filled with “dread” about her impending birthday, the surprise made her feel “so seen and loved.”
Until she opened a present from the one friend.
Describing it, she said, “It was a large box. I opened it with a huge smile on my face, and my friends all looked excited for me to see what was inside. To my shock, there was a mug and a hoodie. Both had a large, bold font saying ‘Motherless Behaviour’. ”
The woman said that the gift left her “in so much shock” that she decided to call off the rest of the celebration.
Her friend justified the gift, telling her, “It was supposed to be funny.”
She said that her other friends chose to defend the offensive gifter, who sent her a “LENGTHY” message of her own the following morning.
“The message was LENGTHY, including many messages saying things like ‘it was of good intent. You [embarrassed] me. I was trying to [lighten] the situation.’ ”
One part in particular set the poster off: Her friend wrote, “after 8 months you should be able to accept your moms death and joke about it. you’re self-sabotaging from holding on, and its ruining your friendships.”
Saying that she “felt so sick,” the girl wondered if she was in the wrong to call off the party, adding she now worried that she “should be over my mother’s death.”
Other Redditors chimed in, quickly assuring her that the friend was actually the one who had made a serious misstep.
One assured her that she was not being an “a—–,” writing, “I’m sorry for your loss and how inconsiderate your ‘friend’ was.”
“I’m more than twice your age and lost a parent two decades ago. I would have been inconsolable receiving a gift like that,” another agreed.
One person wrote that they were nearly 60 and had lost their mom roughly two years prior, saying that they were “still struggling at time[s].”
“There is never ever a timeline for grieving,” they reminded the original poster.
Another Redditor pointed out that the only person who could set a timeline for this woman’s grief was herself.
“A few years ago I lost my father. My family and I joke about my dad’s passing. (The ddp dead dad pass)But WE started the joke, it wasn’t a random friend who had decided we’d grieved enough. If someone has given this to me 8mo after my father passed away I’d probably have punched them,” they wrote.
Providing some perspective, another person noted that the friend had likely never had to face the grief of losing a parent, writing, “Take your time and give yourself the room to grieve. If that means distance from the ‘friend’ – do that! You have every right to take care of yourself in this hard time. Nobody has a right to tell you when your grief should stop (spoiler alert: it never really does).”