Dear Abby: The mother-daughter feud has gone to court, and I’m stuck in the middle
DEAR ABBY: My fiance’s sister and mother are going to court against each other.
The mother acknowledges that she wasn’t a good parent when her children were younger. The sister claims her mother harassed her by dropping off gifts, notes and money on birthdays.
Unfortunately, my fiance and I were dragged into the middle of the situation because we were speaking with both of them prior to the court proceeding. Now, they have both cut us off!
I’m pretty sure it was because we wouldn’t pick sides, but why should we have to? We love them both. My fiance had a close relationship with his sister and mother. I know this is hurting him.
How can I help bring their relationships back together? My fiance’s sister has blocked me from all of her accounts, and if I mail a letter, I’m afraid she will accuse me of harassing her, too.
— TOUGH POSITION IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR TOUGH POSITION: There is no way you can force a reconciliation between two parties who don’t want to mend fences. You do not know whether the mother’s motive for dropping off unwanted gifts was to harass her daughter. (It may have been.)
My advice is to stay firmly out of the line of fire until after that court case has been resolved.
DEAR ABBY: A good friend of mine, “Louis,” has big problems. He is in his 60s and is 50% disabled; he can still work custodial jobs.
His sister, “Gayle,” who lives 500 miles away, asked him to move in with her and her husband, saying they would help take care of him.
Louis moved, not realizing his sister was a severe alcoholic. She’d come home from work, have six or eight drinks and become really belligerent with both her husband and Louis. She even gave Louis 30 days to get out of her house. He has nowhere to go because he severed ties with everyone in his prior location.
I loaned Louis enough money to keep him from starving as he tried to find a means of support. He has applied for several custodial jobs.
His brother-in-law is a great person but is not strong enough to do anything. Gayle has hit her husband on several occasions.
They are at their wits’ end and need advice. Gayle refuses to seek any kind of help.
— THERE FOR MY FRIEND IN FLORIDA
DEAR THERE: Louis and his brother-in-law might find some support if they start attending Al-Anon or Smart Recovery meetings. Because they are dealing with a raging alcoholic, it may make them feel less isolated.
As to what you should advise Louis about his living situation: Since he burned his bridges in the town from which he relocated and doesn’t have the funds to move out of his sister’s home, all you can do is continue to listen to him and be as supportive as you can until he finds work.
Because Louis is partially disabled, he may qualify for some services and assistance in his new community. Encourage him to look into these potential options further.
DEAR READERS: On this day that celebrates love, I want you to know how much I value my long relationship with all of you. Wishing you all a Happy Valentine’s Day. — WITH LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.