Dear Abby: I’m resentful that my family opposes the rules about my baby
DEAR ABBY: I am having a baby in five months. My doctor is recommending that anyone who visits the baby in the first three months be up to date on vaccines (Tdap, flu, COVID and, for age 60-plus, RSV). We have decided to follow our doctor’s recommendations.
Some of my family members are resistant to getting these vaccines and want us to consider other options, like testing and wearing a mask, which is not as safe. Also, it would be hard for younger kids to do — my niece is 3.
Abby, we vaccinated our young children (3 and 5) at the time our niece was born, as part of what my sister requested.
I am already stressed about this situation and do not want to talk it to death with my family, and I have grown resentful because of it.
In the past, I have set boundaries with my family, and most of them have not been understood or received well. Can you offer me some guidance?
— EXPECTING IN WASHINGTON
DEAR EXPECTING: I am happy to try. When your baby arrives, the responsibility for its welfare will rest mostly on you, the mother. Follow your doctor’s medical advice to protect your child.
If family members don’t want to respect your wishes and do what they must to avoid endangering your baby (as you did for them), realize you can’t change their minds, and keep your distance for the first three months.
DEAR ABBY: For nearly five years, my adult daughter was a domestic violence victim. My husband and I have done everything to support her freedom and new path.
However, during her journey, she claimed that I had been abusive to her as a child. I do not recall any action I took that could be considered abusive, nor does my husband or her siblings.
I am finding it difficult to rationalize her recollection of events when she didn’t recognize her recent relationship was abusive. Anyhow, I’ve recommended individual and group therapy. I have not admitted to any abuse because it didn’t happen.
We all feel she’s projecting her anger and resentment from this recent relationship onto me because I was honest from the beginning that I saw red flags. We had candid conversations about the offender prior to the separation. But she keeps defending him and blaming me for having inflicted pain and suffering on her.
Please tell me what you suggest I do to resolve this situation, as it is destroying our family.
— DUMBFOUNDED IN DELAWARE
DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: Your daughter appears to be a troubled individual. I’m glad that you suggested therapy. The kind I would recommend would be family therapy, in which every member has a chance to air their “truths.”
When someone in an abusive relationship attempts to deflect blame from their abuser onto someone else, they may be avoiding reality. A licensed psychotherapist could help put your daughter back on the right track.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.