4 Science-Backed Ways To Actually Make Friends As An Adult
It seems that adults have fewer close friends these days than they did 30 years ago – in the ’90s, a third of us said we had 10 close friends or more, but by the 2020s, that dropped to 13%.
Not only that, but friendships – which research suggests tend to fade away at around age 25 anyway – are getting more expensive.
Perhaps it’s no wonder that around a quarter of UK adults say they feel lonely “often, always or some of the time”.
But making friends as an adult can feel difficult. So, we thought we’d share some science-backed ways to boost your social life:
1) Don’t rely on luck
For years, I waited for a friendship “meet-cute” – maybe I’d find someone with my exact same interests and a similar personality by some unlikely chance.
But science says I was barking up the wrong tree. One study found that those who thought friendship was a matter of luck were likelier to feel more lonely five years later.
Those who believed that making friends took conscious effort, meanwhile, fared far better socially.
2) Embrace the “mere exposure” effect
A 2021 study found that people who sat next to each other in classrooms were more likely to become friends.
And the same seemed to be true for adults in college classrooms – another paper found that university students who came to class regularly, even when they didn’t talk to their classmates, were seen as more likeable than those who also didn’t interact and showed up less often.
Though you might not be in college or school anymore, the lesson likely holds true across volunteering groups and meet-ups like book and running clubs.
3) Assume people will like you
Science suggests that believing people will like and accept you makes you easier to get along with. When researchers told participants of one study that they were going to be accepted into a group, they shared with their new acquaintances and were more positive and less disagreeable.
The inverse seems to be true, too. Another paper showed that when people expect rejection, they read socially ambiguous behaviours – like being quiet – more negatively, taking them as a sign that a person doesn’t like them. In response, they behave in a colder, more defensive manner.
4) Like others in return
You might think that the most important factor when choosing friends is compatibility. But some research says that the number one trait people look for in a new friend is feeling liked and valued.
Further research, which followed new friend pairs for months, found that those who showed affection for one another were likeliest to stay together.
Cringe-inducing as it may feel at first, being open and clear about liking a person seems to go a long way to making – and keeping – new friendships.