Harriette Cole: I convinced myself I had to lie to get a job, and now I’m in trouble
DEAR HARRIETTE: As many of us know right now, the job market is extremely tight. I have been looking for a job for over eight months. Thankfully, I recently landed a position at a great company.
I was even able to increase my salary, which is such a huge win — especially because of inflation increasing the cost of living.
However, I am starting to feel guilty because when I was interviewing for this position, I lied on a lot of the interview questions to make myself sound more impressive.
It wasn’t all entirely fake, but I embellished. I overstated my leadership experience by implying that I had more leadership in certain projects than I actually did, and I answered behavioral questions with examples that were partially true but exaggerated to make me sound more accomplished.
At the time, it felt like I had to lie to survive. Everyone says that they did it, too, and after months of rejection, I convinced myself that stretching the truth was just part of the game.
Now that I’ve started the job, they are having me lead many projects, and I’m struggling. Part of me worries that I’ve built this opportunity on shaky ground. I don’t know if this is normal impostor syndrome or if my guilt is telling me something about my integrity.
Did I cross a line, or did I do what I had to do in order to secure employment?
— Living a Lie
DEAR LIVING A LIE: Get over your guilt and start learning.
Find a mentor who can coach you on things you need to understand. Ask a lot of questions. Find out who is an expert at the things you need to learn, and build a rapport with them.
Know that a leader is someone who listens well and who motivates others toward greatness. You can gain the knowledge needed so that you can become the person you said you were.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I like to smoke weed. I live in New York City, so it is legal. In fact, there are dispensaries all over the city that sell it. I am happy about that, but I do have an issue. My job forbids employees from smoking weed.
They say it impairs your faculties, and using it is a deal-breaker for them. They even do random drug testing. I think that’s not fair. If it’s legal in our city and so many places around the country, how can they get away with that?
I want to fight this archaic rule, but I haven’t worked here long, and I worry that this may not be the sword I want to fall on. On the other hand, I don’t want to stop smoking.
Should I continue on as I am and, if I get tested, start looking for a job?
— Pothead
DEAR POTHEAD: Businesses have guidelines. Yours draws the line with marijuana. If you can’t follow their rules, you probably do need to go elsewhere.
Whatever their reasons are for not allowing marijuana, they are clear; defying them is foolhardy.
What is more important to you: weed or work? Make that decision, and your next steps will be easy.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.