The Issues Straight Women Bring Up Most In Sex Therapy

Sexologist comment provided by licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos. 

Last week, sexologist and therapist Sofie Roos shared the issues straight men most often brought up in sex therapy. 

And this week, she spoke to us about straight women. 

Here, she shared the topics she hears about most frequently: 

1) Having a lower sex drive than their partner 

“The single most common problem straight women bring up with me is that their sex drive has decreased or is overall low, while their partner is way more interested in being intimate, leading to worries and tension in the relationship,” Roos told us. 

She added that women may be more likely to compare their lust levels to their partner’s, and feel their lower desire poses an “issue”.

2) Pain during penetrative sex 

Experiencing pain during sex thanks to conditions like vulvodynia, vaginal dryness, or pelvic floor issues is “extremely common” among this group, said Roos.

“What most don’t know is that there’s both a physical and mental part... pain leads to fear, and fear leads to deeper problems,” leaving some in a vicious cycle.

3) Not orgasming during partnered sex 

Straight women have long suffered from “the orgasm gap”. The sexologist said this doesn’t seem to be going away.

“Many straight women are having a very hard time orgasming during intimacy with their partner, and they don’t know how to solve it,” she said.

4) Body image issues 

“I’ve met countless straight women that are extremely aware of how their own bodies look, smell and feel... they think so much about age, weight and how they are seen that it becomes difficult to just let go and be in the moment,” Roos added.

5) Losing desire thanks to the mental load 

In straight relationships, the mental load – or having to think about, keep track of, and remember the endless tasks that keep a household going – still predominantly falls on women’s shoulders. 

And the sexologist said that can have a knock-on effect in the bedroom. Doing “all the planning... as well as all the emotional work in the relationship” can “lead to higher stress levels, which makes the body de-prioritise desire”. 

6) Not putting their own pleasure first 

“I often meet women who describe themselves as having a hard time with setting their sexual needs and boundaries first, as they’ve been taught to be accommodating rather than prioritise what they want and don’t want,” she stated.

So, uh, any advice? 

Yes. The sexologist said that accepting shifts in your levels of lust and trying alternative forms of intimacy, like “oral sex, massage, kisses, caresses and more mentally-focused pleasure, such as roleplaying or dirty talk,” may help. 

Explore your own desires, perhaps through masturbation, and communicate them with your partner. “As a majority of women can only reach all the way via clitoral stimulation, I also advise focusing more on that, either with your hands, mouth or a sex toy,” the sexologist said. 

Remember also that “pain during sex isn’t normal”, so it’s important to seek professional help if you experience it.

And keep in mind that “your sex life isn’t isolated from the rest of the way you live, so try to look at your diet, sleep schedule, exercise habits, how you drink, how you deal with stress and how your relationships are,” she concluded.