I Look Forward to Receiving My Government-Funded Ice Cream Machine & Bucket of Crab Legs
As if the Trump administration’s tips on surviving the affordability crisis by making $3 depression meals and opting for undesirable cuts of meat weren’t already a resounding slap in the face, on Monday, a federal watchdog revealed that War Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth burned through $93 billion to use up the Pentagon’s budget by the end of the fiscal year in 2025. Must be nice!
“Hegseth spent $93 billion in one month – roughly the cost of extending the ACA tax credits for THREE YEARS,” Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) tweeted. And as much as we’d love our Senate minority leader to do a little more than get mad on Twitter (which is beside the point), not only did Hegseth spend billions, but he spent it on… crab legs, ribeye steak, and ice cream machines. Looks like the Trump admin does know how to fund meals!
The report is an annual offering by Open the Books, which says it’s customary for the Defense Department to spend slightly more in September than it does the rest of the year to hit the budget, as failure to do so can lead to reduced funding for the next year. (Totally nothing wrong with that system.) But it notes that September 2025 was uniquely lofty: “Since at least 2008—and presumably in history,” the organization wrote, “no federal agency has ever spent so much on grants and contracts in a single month.” I mean, I’d prefer another stimulus check, but I can settle for a week of surf n’ turf meals and ice cream machines—so when can we expect them?
According to the report, the Pentagon spent $50.1 billion on grants and contracts in just the last five working days of the month. It also spent its leftover budget on a $98,329 Steinway & Sons grand piano; $5.3 million on Apple devices; $2 million on Alaskan king crab; $6.9 on lobster tail; and $124,000 for ice cream machines. Meanwhile, nearly two-thirds of the country is buying cheaper groceries to pinch pennies; more than 40,000 Americans have lost their food stamps; and Trump’s decision to wage war in Iran is turbocharging inflation.
How Pete Hegseth spent taxpayer funds:
$225 million for furniture
$15.1 million for ribeye steak
$6.9 million on lobster tail
$5.3 million for new Apple devices
$2 million for Alaskan king crab
$139,224 on donuts
$124,000 for ice cream machines
$98,329 for a grand piano
$12,000…— Melanie D’Arrigo (@DarrigoMelanie) March 10, 2026
It’s been almost two weeks since Trump and Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu illegally invaded Iran, and the watchdog notes that a majority of the splurges did not go towards defense priorities such as defensive missile and drone interceptors, which is, er, pretty important given we’re (probably) at war. But congrats to whoever got that fucking piano, I guess.
September was also just two months before tens of millions of Americans lost SNAP benefits because the government was adamant about starving out people during 2025’s federal shutdown in order to force Democrats to fold and pass the spending budget. It was also months after the administration implemented the biggest setbacks to the food-stamp program in its 87-year history. In December, Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins also suggested withholding SNAP benefits to blue states unless they turn over recipients’ names and immigration statuses, prompting the following from Gov. Kathy Hochul (D-N.Y.): “Genuine question: Why is the Trump Administration so hellbent on people going hungry?”
$6.9 million of lobster tail in a month????? What would you even do with that much lobster
— Amanda Katz (@katzish.bsky.social) March 10, 2026 at 4:38 AM
The outcry has been resounding. “Out here telling you to eat liver and one piece of broccoli while they spend $6.5 million on lobster tail and $15 million on ribeye steak,” one Twitter user posted. Rep. Jasmine Crockett (D-Texas) also tweeted: “Isn’t this supposed to be the Administration that’s targeting ‘waste, fraud, and abuse’?!? Make it make sense.” Rep. Jason Crow (D-Colo.) wrote. “Pete Hegseth is spending millions of your tax dollars on lobster, ribeye, and a grand piano. Meanwhile, he’s sending Americans off to war and folks are struggling to get by.”
Ah, well. At least we’ll all get some fresh, homemade ice cream this summer—right?
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