'Stop, Stay, Yell': Expert Advice On What Kids Should Do If They Get Lost
I was at Disneyland with my three-year-old and her baby sister when I told our eldest: “If you can’t find us, head to the carousel and we’ll come find you.”
I wasn’t expecting her to get lost – my baby was snoozing in a carrier so all eyes were firmly on our eldest, with one of us gripping her hand tightly wherever we went – but I wanted to make sure that if, for whatever reason, she did lose sight of us, she’d know exactly what to do.
Thankfully we didn’t lose her on that trip. But if we had, it turns out the advice I gave her might’ve ended in disaster.
According to paediatrician Dr Joel Warsh (known as Dr Gator on social media), most parents teach their kids: “If you get lost, come find me” – and while it sounds pretty logical, it’s the wrong advice to give.
“When children realise they’re separated, they do three things almost automatically: They panic. They wander. They try to find you. Every step makes them harder to locate,” he explained on Substack.
“Search works best when movement stops,” added the expert.
His advice, then? Teach your kids to “stop, stay, yell”.
It’s important to have ongoing conversations with kids, in an age-appropriate manner, to ensure you can locate them if they do become separated from you.
Leanne Mcleish, development and quality manager at NSPCC, told HuffPost UK that for pre-schoolers, “these conversations are unlikely to be appropriate” as the children are “too young to clearly understand how to keep themselves safe”.
Instead, she advises parents to continually monitor where they are and put steps in place, such as using harnesses, prams or holding hands when out in public, to keep them safe.
“It can also be helpful for young children to wear bright clothing or reflective clothing so that they can be clearly seen when it is dark or late at night,” she added.
For those of primary school age, “children should be encouraged to stay where they are, where possible, and not walk to a new area – this is to make sure that the parents can retrace their steps”, said Mcleish.
You could also encourage them to shout your name, rather than “mum” or “dad”.
“Children should be encouraged to not talk to any strangers, unless they are in uniform – such as a police officer, security guard or employee of the establishment,” added Mcleish.
You can also teach children to memorise phone numbers – Dr Warsh said even young kids can memorise a number with repetition. His advice is to practice it like a song: “Sing it in the car. Chant it at bedtime. Turn it into rhythm.”
For children who have their own mobile phone, parents should regularly check that the phone has battery power and that they have telephone numbers to allow them to contact a trusted adult to share where they are.
“The child should try to share any key identifying information such as road name, shop details or landmarks to help them be located,” added Mcleish.
“If they are in a place where they feel unsafe, they should ring the police immediately whilst trying to get into an open space with lighting.”
If you’re heading to a busy place, it might be helpful to take a photo of your child before you go (so you can remember what they’re wearing) and also to pop your phone number on a sticker and attach it to them.
And if you do happen to lose your child in a public space, the ‘looking loudly’ method could help reunite you quickly: shout a description of what your child looks like and what they’re wearing, rather than their name.
The idea is that rather than relying on a young child to respond to their name, you’re putting dozens, if not hundreds, of adults on high alert to find the child.