It's been a big year for factory sims, but instead of getting a degree in engineering, I've decided to go back to where it all started for me: modded Minecraft

It's been weeks since I've seen any shred of light, trapped down below the surface of a group-modded Skyblock server. My so-called friends all roam the top layer of dirt working on their factory chicken farm, but I haven't been able to see any progress at all—I've just heard of all the wondrous miracles being performed up above.

Someone always gets left behind, even in the age of science, and this time, it's me, sacrificed to the silk mines to kill worms for dirt so the topsiders can carry on expanding their precious chicken farm.

It all started after I suggested jumping back into modded Minecraft. My friends and I used to play Tekkit and the like back in the day, and after trying and failing to make any real progress in Satisfactory due to creative differences, we all decided it would be best to stick to what we know and start a new factory in Minecraft.

I'd like to point out that a modded Skyblock server was my idea, so I was a little shocked when the group came together to assign project roles, which landed me providing the dirt for the expanding factory. I admit I may not be as useful as my friends, who are actually engineers, but I can string pipes and red stones together just as well as anyone else.

I think my exile was in part due to my friends still not forgiving me for the Red Night of '14. This is when I got a little carried away with expanding our Skyblock base, and neglected to place any lights down. Without light to ward the evil away, every hostile mob that had been waiting to spawn for weeks suddenly dropped into our world. We all died, and the creeper explosions wiped out half our base, taking most of our crops and all of our water with it. But that's just one mistake made a decade ago, so I don't think trapping me down below the world to farm dirt in 2024 was a fair punishment.

But I begrudgingly continued to gather muck for the topsiders previously known as my friends so they had space for their precious chickens. It wasn't too bad at first. All I had to do was farm silk worms from trees and compost the waste, which could then be made into dirt blocks. Before long I got into a rhythm, becoming an absolute dirt-producing machine. Then I started to get bored.

I began trying to use my dirt blocks to build a way up to the surface, but every time I got close, someone would get wise to my plan and hit me back down. So, instead, I started tunneling around below the surface, leaving decoys everywhere so they wouldn't know where I'd be coming from, but that didn't seem to work either. In the end, I decided the only way I'd ever be allowed on ground level again would be if I bargained for it.

If the price is right

They had everything they needed: food, chickens, and an endless supply of dirt. But one thing they hadn't got their grubby hands on yet was an endless pot of XP for enchanting the chicken eggs (I don't actually know why this was necessary, but from what I heard, it was a vital part of the factory process). So, with this knowledge, I pitched a compromise: I got allowed back on the surface, and they would get their mob farm for endless XP.

To my surprise, the topsiders went for it and allowed me back on the surface to make them a mob farm. I was surprisingly underwhelmed with what they had achieved so far with all my dirt. It turns out that they had been bickering about whose plan for the factory would be best, so much so that all they had made was a skeleton factory and a chicken run.

Despite their failures, I made quick work of the mod farm. I've constructed hundreds of these over the years, and I know the schematics by heart. The only problem was I forgot to tell them not to break any of the bottom blocks where you kill the mobs to collect the XP, although I thought this went without saying.

After only a day or so, someone got too excited at the prospect of collecting XP and tore open a hole at the base of the mob farm, unleashing hordes of zombies, skeletons, and creepers into the chicken factory. Before I knew it, there was no more topside—as creepers blew craters in the Skyblock base, obliterating everything, even some of my dirt farm. The whole ordeal didn't end until someone had the quick thinking to simply log off and then briefly turn the world to Peaceful. But the damage was already done.

Predictably, I was blamed for this blunder just like I was 10 years ago, and after some infighting, we all decided we ought to give factory sims a rest for a while as we weren't even cut out for the simplest form of sim, Minecraft. Although I rest easy knowing that even if I didn't manage to make impressive technical advancements, I did my job mining dirt well enough.