THE BUCS LIED TO US ABOUT A PARROT ANNOUNCING THEIR DRAFT PICK

THIS IS BULLSHIT.

On Day 3 of the NFL Draft, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, teased us by saying that they were using used a parrot to announce their fourth-round pick, who was Jordan Whitehead out of Pitt. The parrot’s name is Zsa Zsa, and let’s just say this was an utter and complete meltdown — the parrot didn’t squak a single syllable, depriving us of what could have been glorious.

I was livid, folks. The internet, like myself, was quite upset:

Yes. this is technically true, but it doesn’t make me less mad:

THEY SAID “ANNOUNCE.”

On Thursday, Bucs’ GM Jason Licht said that the Bucs are parting ways with the colorful bird who for the record, did nothing wrong!

By day three the drawn-out extravaganza that is the draft, a lot of people lose interest. But teams like the Bucs were trying to combat that by using Olympic winners, Star Wars characters, and random things like divers. This was a complete and utter disappointment.

At the very least, what we do have though is the exclusive transcript of this parrot auditioning to announce this pick*:

“SQUAWK.”

“Listen I know this is tough, but I need to know if Mr. Paulie Peanuts is going to come through for us. This is nationally televised. This is a big deal.”

“MR. PAULIE PEANUTS.”

“Alright. Give me the guy’s name again.”

“Equanimeous St. Brown.”

“Alright. Mr. Paulie Peanuts, say Equanimeous St. Brown.”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Mr. Paulie Peanuts, say Equanimeous St. Brown.”

“CRACKER.”

“No cracker. No cracker until you say Equanimeous St. Brown.”

*We obviously don’t really have this, but you bought it at first, right?!

Another reason the Bucs chose a parrot to announce their pick was to raise awareness for the Florida Exotic Bird Sanctuary, where Zsa Zsa lives with more than 750 other birds.

Unfortunately, some people were upset with the Bucs for announcing the pick with a parrot, which I don’t understand whatsoever:

Animal content later in the draft seems to be emerging as a new trend — last year, the Indianapolis Colts had an orangutan announce picks and it was glorious:

How dare you Bucs, for leaving us all completely disappointed. We’ll see what Zsa Zsa does as a free agent.