The best love language-inspired gifts and surprises, according to relationship therapists
If your constant compliments don't excite your partner the way they excite you, you might have different love languages.
The concept of love languages, or common ways humans give and receive love, was coined in 1992 in marriage counselor Gary Oldman's book "The 5 Love Languages."
The book, which Chapman based on years of his work in marriage counseling sessions, identified five love languages: words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch, and acts of service.
Chapman found that people felt unloved and misunderstood because their partners were employing love languages that they identified with, rather than the languages their partners subconsciously craved.
Insider asked three therapists to share their favorite gift ideas inspired by the different love languages.
You can take a free online quiz to pinpoint your love languages here.
Receiving gifts
Gift-giving may seem straightforward when your partner's love language is receiving gifts. But putting thought into the meaning behind the gift can take it to a new level, Rachel Wright, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City, told Insider.
"Gifts are not just about materialism. They're about the thought behind the gift and/or what the gifts mean. When the recipient looks at the gift, they're often reminded with a smile of the person who gave it to them," Wright said.
That's why she suggested getting your loved one jewelry from their favorite local artist, a bright flower bouquet, or a candle.
If you want to combine receiving gifts with another love language, Ric Mathews, a licensed psychologist and mental health counselor in New York City, suggested new bedding.
"It's a 3-in-1. For one, it's a gift. It's about touch. New sheets feel great on the skin. And quality time, because it gives you an excuse to 'break them in,'" Mathews told Insider.
Elizabeth McCorvey, a licensed social worker in North Carolina, suggested being "thoughtfully shady" and surprising your partner with gifts they planned on buying themself.
"Sneak a peek at your partner's Amazon or Barnes and Noble account and see what's on their wish list. Buy it all," McCorvey told Insider, adding that it's important to be mindful of any boundaries your partner has about looking at their phone.
If you go this route, don't forget to hide the confirmation email so your partner isn't privy to the surprise.
Words of affirmation
If your partner's love language is words of affirmation, their heart pitter-patters when you share a heartfelt compliment.
That's why Wright, Mathews, and McCorvey agreed that a sincere and thought-out note is the best gift you can give.
Wright suggested a hand-written card on cute stationery where you can divulge just how much your partner means to you.
If you want to up the creativity, Mathews suggested penning a lovey-dovey haiku poem and McCorvey suggested an appreciation jar filled with compliments and mini love-letters on slips of paper.
"I love this one because it's sweet and cheap, but you still have to put some thought into it," McCorvey said.
Quality time
If your partner's love language is quality time, nothing makes them happier than getting to make new and uninterrupted memories with you.
For this type of partner, Wright, Mathews, and McCorvey all stressed the importance of turning off your phone before an outing, whether it's an hours-long hike, dinner at a quiet restaurant, or a weekend getaway.
"Quality time is about energy and focus. So sitting down and putting down your phones can create an environment for some epic quality time," Wright said.
Physical touch
If your partner craves physical touch like hand-holding and hugs, take it to the next level with an at-home massage, new sex toy, or extra-large fluffy blanket for cuddles on the couch, McCorvey said.
Mathews suggested investing in a massage gun, which can help newbies give their partner's sore muscles a break.
Acts of service
If your partner identifies with acts of service, they feel loved when you do chores or run errands on their behalf, no questions asked.
Since running a load of laundry or washing the dishes doesn't sound super-sexy, McCorvey said claiming a specific chore as your own can make the gesture special.
"Find the task or chore that your partner enjoys the least, and take it on. It's your job now," said McCorvey.
You could also be of service to a cause your partner is passionate about, said Mathews.
"Find out your loved one's favorite charity and volunteer some of your time to it on their behalf. It shows that you not only care about them, but the things they care about," he said.
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