My husband watched porn whilst we were having sex – I’m devastated
DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT my husband was answering a call during sex, but instead he started watching porn on his phone and continued the deed.
I feel so humiliated, I haven’t been able to speak to him about it yet.
I’m 43, he’s 47 and we’ve been married for 18 years.
We’ve always had a great relationship and been really happy, but recently I’ve noticed he seems completely disinterested in sex.
Instead of a regular kiss and cuddle, he’s stopped touching me and goes straight to sleep in bed.
I’ve done all that I can to regain our intimacy, from surprising him with sexy lingerie to sending cheeky texts.
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But it seems no matter what I do, he’s never in the mood.
His excuse? He’s “too tired” or has “too much on his mind”.
I’ve been worried that maybe he doesn’t find me attractive anymore, so when he started to cuddle me in bed for the first time in months, I was over the moon.
When we started having sex I couldn’t quite believe it.
I was so excited to finally be close to him again. But he lost his erection within the first few minutes.
Then he reached for his phone and put a porn film on.
He didn’t say two words to me or ask me if I was comfortable with it, but continued having sex with me as he watched.
I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say. I just lay there dumbfounded and let it happen.
He was so focused on his screen, he didn’t even realise.
I feel so crushed that he would rather watch some random woman than look at me during sex. I can’t help but feel I’m not good enough for him.
What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Lots of people watch porn online, but increasing numbers are becoming dependent on it to the point where they lose the ability to connect with their real-life partners.
This is not a reflection of how attractive you are or whether you are good enough. Please know this is not your fault.
It’s time for an honest discussion. Tell him you’re concerned his porn habit is affecting your sex life and relationship.
It is possible to get things back on track, but he will need to admit his dependency on porn is affecting his performance in the bedroom and is damaging your marriage.
My support pack, Internet Pornography Worry, explains more and suggests where you can get help.